STAR, justin bieber

xliii. real life, messages

real life!

        "Hey," Justin croaks into the darkness. "You okay?"

        She breathes out, shivering. "Yeah, I'm—I'm okay. Was just talking to Robbie."

        He stares at her, eyes flicking from her hair to her bare back to the crack of her ass exposed above the white sheets wrapped around her waist. "Oh?" he eventually says, eyebrows raised.

        "We talked about you."

        "Yeah?"

        "Yeah."

        He groans, huffs, and pushes himself up with his fists, resting his body against the headboard. "You seem too sad for it to have been anything good."

        She chuckles, shaking her head. Her messy hair lazily dances. "It was . . . it was okay. It's just making me think a lot about us now."

        He nods, his eyebrows scrunch in deep thought, and his heart pounds with anticipation. "What about us?"

        "I don't want to hurt you, Justin," she starts. "And I know . . . I know I have when I use you like this. You deserve better than just being a distraction to me when I can't face my fucking feelings." She looks back at him for a split second. "I do love you, you know? I just don't know if I'm right for you."

        He reaches out, and she flinches when his cold fingers begin tracing shapes on her freckled skin. "I didn't know we were going to do this so soon." She shrugs. "I'm sorry about Sofia, and I'm sorry for calling you a bitch. I was just . . . stressed. I had a whole day planned for us—snorkelling, spa, dinner, bed with roses—and it just felt like it all got ripped away from me because of some lying motherfucker—"

        Guilt overtakes her, and suddenly, his spiel is interrupted by her own. "I'm sorry about that, too, oh my God. I—I shouldn't have left so quickly." She buries her face in her hands. "I was just overwhelmed, and I didn't want to see you, and I asked Robbie to find me the quickest way out of there."

        "It's okay," he quickly says in a desperate effort to reassure her. "I get it. It looks worse because I didn't even come back to the room that night, and I didn't text you, and I get it. It all looks so bad." He sighs. "I went out to get a few drinks and woke up by myself on the beach the next morning. Didn't even know that picture with Sofia was out. It sounds fucking stupid, but that's what happened."

        She laughs. "It does sound fucking stupid."

        He flicks her back, and she laughs harder, making him smile. "I just want you to know I didn't do that shit to you. Not that much of an asshole." He stops tracing her back for a second as the silence stretches and solemnity takes them in its arms. "You're not going to hurt me, though, Adira. I'm scared it's the other way round."

        She's left with her thoughts for a moment, then declares, "You know, I never told you about Joey."

        "Joey?" he repeats, confused.

        "Joey," she says, nodding affirmatively. "We got together after I found out Zayn was engaged. I met him at this cute little coffee shop, and he started telling me all about this book he was reading." She smiles at the memory. "I didn't even like him at first. Like, why is this guy talking to me right now? But he was so passionate, so I just sat and listened to him talk."

        Justin chuckles. "God, baby, should I be jealous?"

        "Definitely not." She rolls her eyes, smiling over her shoulder at him briefly. "I don't know why, but I started coming every day, and he was always there, and we just talked. We started texting, too, and . . . and he was perfect. It was our own secret, special little thing." She starts fiddling with her sheets, feeling Justin's eyes burning her. "It was like that for a while until he asked me on a date, and I swear—I swear I was on top of the world for those first few months, so I asked him if he wanted to meet Vicky and Mikey. I wanted the 'best friend approval,' you know?"