Red Winter [Bucky Barnes]

Chapter Seventeen: Lena

I found myself wandering the halls of the red room in my dreams, passing in between people like I was a ghost. Young girls rush through the hallways, pointe shoes pressed to their chests, trying desperately to avoid the harsh stares of the agents surrounding them. An older girl slides past me, her hands trembling and blood splattered across her ghostly pale face. She mutters gibberish as she wipes her cheek, smearing it across her face, clearly in shock. 

No one looks at her twice, numb to the grizzly sight of it. 

I wanted to reach out and comfort her, but I'm tugged by a mysterious force willing me to continue walking ahead. I pause outside of one of the training rooms, feeling that same force pull me towards it, and just as I was about to walk away the door slowly creaks open. Following my gut, I take a step forward, the blood running cold in my veins when I realize what I had walked into. 

I was looking into the eyes of a thirteen year old me, just about to begin a sparring lesson with another one of my classmates. Her name was Lena, and she was a face that I would never be able to forget. She was the closest thing that I had ever had to a friend, at one point in time I had even considered her to be my sister. 

She and I had been brought to Moscow at the same time, we even shared a room for the first few weeks after we arrived. I can remember the quiet nights spent in our dormitory, sharing in the silent acknowledgment of shared trauma. There was a sacred bond between the two of us, something far stronger than the bonds of blood. 

I trusted her with my life; just as she trusted me with hers.

I continue watch in utter dread, knowing what was going to happen at the end of this. I remembered everything; this night was forever burned into my memory. It felt strange to watch it like this, for a moment I felt like I was at a movie theater, instead of relieving an old memory. There was a disconnect between myself and everyone around me, like I was watching from behind glass, both present and absent at the same time. 

I wanted nothing more than to step forward and do something, try to change what I knew would be inevitably coming. It was like watching a scene  a hundred times, hoping each time for a different outcome, but knowing that it would always play out the same. I knew that even if I did intervene, the scene would rewind and start again and I would just be forced to watch again and again. 

"You're holding your punches, Katerina," a younger Vera shouts as she slams her cane against my calf. I hiss as I feel the sting against my own skin as the younger me drops down onto her knee, clutching the reddened skin. I groan and fall down onto my knees as she whacks the cane against my back, watching as a tear falls onto her cheek. 

Lena crouches down and holds out her hand to me, openly breaking every one of Vera's own rules.  "Come on Kate, you have to get up," she whispers into her ear, but I can hear it clearly in my own. She motions for me to take her hand, her eyes pleading for me to take them. I remember wanting to take it so badly, but I was too afraid to. I could still feel Vera's eyes burning into my skin and I did not possess the will or strength to stand up to her. 

"Kate please," she begs, her voice wavering and shaking, something it had never done before, she had always been so cool and confident. She had also been the only person in my life to call me Kate, and despite me absolutely despising the name. But no matter how much I hated it, I loved her more and if calling me that made her happy, then who was I to stop her?

"So this is where it all begins then," a deep voice calls out from behind me, causing shivers of disgust to run down my spine. Nikolai yanks me up from the ground, his hand gripped tightly around my arm, digging in with his nails. "I've always wondered how you got your start," he whispers into my ear as the younger me slowly rises up from the ground, "and now I get to watch it with my own eyes."