Every Lies of Love (Fernandez Series #3)

18

"I'm sorry." 

I pouted as I looked at Zach who is currently looking intently at me. We were still sitting at the floor of my room while I still try to calm myself down completely. Patuloy ang pagpunas ni Zach sa braso ko. Dahil naka fake nails ako ay mas malala ang gasgas at medyo nagdugo pa. Alam kong pagagalitan na naman ako ni Cleo lalo na at may photoshoot sana ako bukas. Ito lang ang problema ko. Sa tuwing inaatake ako ng ganoon ay hindi ako makapag-focus kaya hindi ko na nahanap ang calming oil ko. It happens a lot before but as much as I can, kinakalma ko agad ang sarili ko para hindi na maging malala ang sugat. It's one thing that I hate in myself. I can't control it.

Tiningnan ko si Zach na tahimik na tumayo at pumasok sa banyo para  siguro kunin ang first aid kit. I still can't believe that he's the guy who helped me years ago. I mean, I've always thought that his eyes were familiar but I didn't expect that it would be him. I looked at the small bottle that he handed me a while ago. It was the same bottle that he gave me a year ago. I tried finding the same calming oil but I can't. Napuntahan ko na lahat ng store pero wala. And also, walang brand na nakalagay sa bote so I didn't really know where he got it. 

"Come on, I'll clean your wound." He said and helped me get up from the floor. Pinaupo niya ako sa dulo ng kama ko at tahimik ko naman siyang tiningnan. Lumuhod siya sa harapan ko at naglagay ng betadine sa cotton ball at dahan-dahan 'yong dinampi sa legs ko kung saan may mga gasgas. 

"I'm sorry, I can't control it." I whispered. He did not talk. "I told you to leave because I don't want you to see me in that kind of state." I bit my lower lip. 

The reason why I don't want anyone to see me like that because I feel embarrassed about myself. I never consulted to an therapist. I'm scared. But I know that I can't be like this forever. Kiya and Cleo told me to consult but I always say no. I'm scared of what will happen and what will the therapist will tell me. 

"D-Do you know me even before we met at the fashion show?" I softly asked. 

Huminto siya sa ginagawa niya at tumingin sa akin. "Yeah.." Dahan-dahan siyang tumango. 

I blinked. "Then why didn't you tell me?" 

Dahan-dahan siyang tumango at umupo sa tabi ko. Hindi siya tumingin sa akin at bumuntong-hininga. "I wanted you to remember me. Not because I told you, it's because I wanted you to feel that it was me who helped you years ago." He looked at me. "I wanted you to feel what you felt  when you first saw me." 

I stared at his eyes. He's right. Earlier when he helped me, I felt the same feeling. The feeling of being safe. Like, everything felt so light and I felt no pain. And when he helped me earlier, everything felt so familiar. The difference is just now I know who he really is. And he's like my shield. He was there for me whenever I am in pain. Two painful events in my life, he was there. 

"And I guess you know me now." He smiled. He held my hand and rested my head on his shoulder. 

I hope, Zach. I hope that I really know you now.

"Thank you.." I said. "Thank you for always helping me.." I smiled. 

"I will always be here for you, Jeila. Always." He kissed my forehead.