streets ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ hq / shirabu kenjirou

35: jump into his arms

matsukawa issei

i feel like there's some things
that need to be said
before i can move on from this
point of my life

uh yeah no i agree
should i go first or...?

yeah that's cool you can go first

um okay
i know i apologized already
but it wasn't nearly as much as i
should have
i loved our friendship
like a lot
esp bc you have a really similar
humor to mine and you don't just
get all flustered whenever i make
jokes and you joke back with something 
just as or maybe more funny
and i think i started to find myself
in this in between stage where i
knew i didn't want to be just friends
anymore but i also didn't want to
lose the friendship we already had
and then the line somehow blurred
and the flirting continued
i pushed my boundaries, which led
to everything eventually overflowing
and then you got sucked into the mess
with everyone else but i couldn't help
myself from wanting what you were
offering
i couldn't stop this forming desire to
just hold your hand whenever we
hung out
in my head, the other guys didn't
matter, you and i were the end game
i felt
i don't know
different
i thought maybe it'd be different with
me but i think that thought process
is what made me fuck things up
i'm so so sorry y/n
truly i am
i should've been grateful that we had
the friendship we had
i shouldn't have gotten selfish even if
it was for one second bc that second
fucked everything over
me kicking you out of the group chat
wasn't for the same reason as the other
two
i just did it bc i needed advice at the time
but i had no idea what else was going on
and that ended up being a really shitty
looking thing on my part

issei...

no i don't want you to pity me
please
that's the last thing i want
i just wanted you to know it all
from my perspective at least

i just
how do i put this 
i wished things happened under
different circumstances
maybe we could have been end game
it was just really poor timing

yeah i know
but i'm glad we can still be
friends
that's really all i should have ever
wanted

no it's not your fault
people catch feelings all the time
and we talked in ways a lot of friends
normally don't talk
i honestly don't blame you for that
it's just a situation that could've been
handled SO MUCH better than it
was
i truly do believe at one point
my feelings for you were the same
but then things just went out of
proportion and now here we are

oh okay i see i see
thank you again
for giving me the chance to make
things right and fix the mess that i
made

mhm
i'm not the type to hold grudges
i'd much rather understand it from
your side than mull over it for so long
though, that was originally the plan
until oikawa, sugawara, atsumu and
shirabu knocked some sense into me
and honestly speaking everything was
mostly just a miscommunication

yeah
i
have a question

what's up?

so
me and makki were talking
about you
and i just gotta know
do you
like
like shirabu?

oh
that's your question

yeah
i'm sorry if it's over stepping
or
like
way too personal
since we're not THAT cool yet
but i've been really curious

um
well
hmm
okay

nice

shut up 😭
let me try to put this into words

okay okay sorry
...
take your time
i don't have practice at 6 am
in case you were wondering

BRO
MATTSUN
MATSUKAWA
ISSEI
SHUT THE FUCK UP
IM TRYING TO RHINK

IM JOKING
i swear
like
tmr is literally monday
you know we don't have
practice on mondays

i am so fucking close to taking a
train and going to your house just
so i can beat the shit out of you
might pick up hajime and hiro
on the way

OKAY JEEZ
CALM DOWN JAMAL

YOU ARENT MAKING IT BETTER

...
...
...

okay
okay
ugh why is this so hard
okay
FUCK STOP SAYING OKAY Y/N
okay
GODDAMMIT

HELP
IM SORRY BUT THIS IS SO
FUCKING FUNNY

ISSEI STOPPPP

IM SORJWNAJEJE
GO AHEAD

so
sigh
idk
i feel weird saying it out loud
i'd normally talk about this with
atsumu, oikawa or suga bc like yk
how close i am with them
but idk
i know they're close with him now too
bc of me so i feel like they'd tell him
and don't get me wrong
i know they don't mean any harm by
it but it's just something i wanna
keep to myself for a bit yk?
like
i wanna hold it close before showing
it off to the world just in case it
doesn't work out and i'm bragging
about something that isn't real

that makes perfect sense
you're being cautious
protecting your heart as long as
you can before it's ready to be
released again
i understand that
you don't want to get hurt like
last time

yes exactly
and i don't want to be this way but
can you really blame me?
after everything
yet theres still this part of me that
wants to scream it from the highest
mountains
i want to jump into his arms and say
"hey i actually want this more than
anything"
"i want YOU more than anything"
i want to hold his hand in a way that
isn't platonic
in a way that lovers do
but after all that's happened
i'm just so scared of all the what if's

i'm probably the last person you
expected to talk to this about
so i'm probably the last person
you'd wanna hear advice from
but

go ahead
i need it

okay
i don't wanna see you get hurt
really i don't
i've been in the position where i
was the one who hurt you and it
was the worst fucking feeling ever
i don't want that happening again
but from where i stand y/n
that's the furthest possible
"what if" in this scenario
it's more likely that the planet
would get overthrown by aliens
shirabu cares for you
so much
it's so obvious that he does even
though i hardly know the guy
but from what i DO know
he seems like the type of person
who doesn't show those kinds of
emotions often
and the fact that we can all see
how he adores you says a lot
so i think you should go for it
scream it from the highest mountains
jump into his arms
tell him you want it more than
anything
tell him you want HIM more than
anything
hold his hand in a non platonic way
in the way lovers do
bc the way i see it, he wants the same