Bouquets of Chocolate (manxman)

Six

"You still haven't given me an answer."

"Hmm?" I look up from where I've been hiding in the crook of his neck. We're lying down on my entirely too tiny sofa now, wrapped around each other in an effort to not fall off it. And it just so happens to mean I get to stick close to him too.

"I said you still haven't given me an answer." Jordie repeats with a chuckle.

My face goes crimson immediately as I remember exactly why I haven't. Because after the comment he made about us kissing I decided to test his theory out more, so words were so far away from my mind, the only thing I could really focus on was his lips and his tongue.

"Fuck off." I decide to answer him. As if my constant clinging to him and the fact that I'm struggling to go even just a few minutes without kissing him isn't indication enough. It's almost like he's a drug. I've gotten so used to wanting to be like this for so long without being able to have that, that now that I finally have it, it feels surreal. It feels as if I need to hold on to him with all I've got or he'll go away again. It also adds this strange dynamic that I feel like I can't tell him this anymore when he's exactly the person I would most definitely go to with that kind of confusion before.

"Use your words Sammie, I can't see your face, so I can't read your mind." I roll my eyes.

"But I do know you're rolling your eyes."

He laughs as I weakly hit his chest.

"Shut up, this is a lot, so give me a second." I grumble.

"You said the same thing when I first got here earlier." he replies lightheartedly. Except, the only thing it does is remind me of a reality in which I spent almost 18 hours waiting for him today - well, yesterday.

Immediately I scramble to get up, needing to not be wrapped in his cocoon of... him, in order to think properly. In the process, I manage to fall over the edge of the sofa in a less than graceful manner because my foot ended up hooked under his calf.

Rather than getting up, I flop back down, lying on my back, me knees bent, staring at my ceiling. My chest is rising and falling rapidly, as if I've just been running a marathon, and my head is a mess.

"Jesus Sammie, what the hell are you doing?" Jordie asks, quickly getting up as well to give me a hand.

"Don't." I say, lightly slapping his hand away. For a moment, he stills. Then, he sighs, his brows furrowed over his briefly closed eyes, before he lets out a long breath, then sits down, right next to me, facing my still unmoving self.

"What just happened?" he sighs sadly.

I peak over at him, seeing him sitting there with his legs crossed, his arms limply resting on his thighs and his shoulders low as if he's given up.

After I take a bit of time to collect my thoughts, I just ask: "What was that yesterday?"

"What do you mean?" he immediately counters, clearly frustrated. I don't blame him. It's rare that we don't understand each other. Which means it's rare that I have to explain myself to him, so my answer feels incredibly awkward and inappropriate in this situation.

"You spent weeks ignoring me and then show up 2 minutes before Valentine's is over asking me to be your boyfriend with chocolates you made on your own."

"I mean technically I asked if you would let me be your boyfriend." There's a small smile on his face as he tries to lighten the mood. It doesn't work.

"It's not funny Jordie." I say, turning on my side so my back is facing him, "Those last few weeks I've felt like I didn't know you anymore. You didn't come see me out of the blue anymore, you kept blowing me off, and whenever I worked up the nerve to ask you to hang out anyway, you'd sell me some cheap ass bullshit excuse as to why you couldn't."