The Aftermath of War [Hetalia RusAme]

Chapter 12 - parenting woes

I won't lie, I teared up a bit while writing this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A month had passed since Alfred, Matthew, and Ivan brought Anna to Alfred's place.

Alfred was tired, yet struggled to sleep at night. He just passed it off as needing to stay up, in case Anna needed to be changed, or maybe a bottle at three in the morning. He, of course, took care of his daughter whenever she needed him, yet still struggled to feel any bond to his own child. He knew being a parent would be hard, but this wasn't what he had expected. 

Matthew offered to help (Alfred had given him a spare key in case of an emergency), but could only do so for a day or two before having to rush back home. Even so, the few days he stayed to help, he would just watch Alfred lie in bed for hours at a time. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, Alfred wasn't taking this well. 

Anna had grown a lot. Despite being a month old at this point, she had developed as if she was at least six months old. Nobody could have expected it, but a quick visit to Dr. Patrium assured Alfred that, for the child of two nations, the developmental leap was perfectly normal.

Anna, at this point, could sit up on her own and play, meanwhile Alfred would sit nearby in case she toppled over or needed something. A radio was turned on as background noise, as Alfred hadn't been listening to what had been playing. 

Matthew was supposed to come over today, no doubt with groceries. Alfred had assured him he didn't have to go that far (he was more than capable of getting whatever he and Anna needed), even trying to pay back whatever his brother had spent as a way to make up for it, yet Matthew insisted. 

In all honesty, Alfred couldn't remember the last time he ate because he was hungry, not because it was routine or to prevent someone from worrying. He can take care of himself. He's had to do it since he was a colony. 

Anna grabbed a nearby rattle, shaking it around. The noise it made snapped Alfred back to reality, though he hadn't realized he was zoned out. 

'I can take care of myself just fine,' Alfred thought to himself, 'but... what if all I'm doing isn't enough for Anna?' He watched his daughter, all in a world of her own. 

He couldn't keep up with her constantly outgrowing any and all clothes she had; in fact, all she had right now was just a diaper. Anna needed constant care and attention, and even now he wasn't giving her that. Even amongst other first-time parents he had seen around town, they seemed to know what they were doing, and while Alfred was winging it, it felt like his brother had done a better job of taking on the role as a parent. He didn't want to admit it, but sometimes he wondered, how would things be if Ivan was there, either to help or even take Anna home with him and raise her. 

Alfred couldn't be the parent Anna needed or deserved.

He sniffled softly, only realizing he began to cry when he felt a tear land on his leg. He wiped his eyes, trying to ignore the tears streaming down his cheeks. He buried his face into his hands. 

He didn't hear the front door open.

Alfred didn't even realize someone else was home until he felt a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders. He looked up and saw Matthew, who only had a look of sympathy. He sniffled again, trying to wipe away any evidence of his worries getting the best of him.

"Hey, it's okay." Matthew sat next to Alfred. "It's okay. Don't hold it in."

Alfred felt his eyes began to sting, looking towards his daughter, who just stared at him. A fresh wave of tears began to flow, and he clung to his younger brother. Matthew just held him close.

Anna crawled over to her father. It wasn't the first time she had done this. Grabbing onto his shirt to pull herself up, she just looked up at him.

After a minute or two, Alfred had stopped sobbing, letting out a few hiccups. His eyes were puffy from trying to wipe the tears away. He looked down at his daughter. Her eyes had gone from the gray-ish color they were before and had changed to blue. She almost looked like his Mini-Me.

Anna held a hand up to Alfred's face and lightly slapped it. It didn't hurt, obviously, but it did surprise him. 

"Wha?"

She continued her tiny, adorable assault to his face. After a few hits, he chuckled softly. It wasn't funny per se, but rather cute. Alfred pulled Anna into his lap, brushing some of her hair out of her face. 

"Okay, okay. I'll stop crying," said Alfred, smiling softly. Anna smiled back. He gave her forehead a tiny kiss, holding her close.

Alfred turned to Matthew. "Thank you. For... everything."

Matthew smiled. "Don't worry about it. I know you'd do the same for me."

Alfred smiled back, ruffling his brother's hair. "Yeah, I would." He looked down at Anna, who had laid her head on his chest, yawning. He felt a little bit better.

Alfred might not be 100% sure what he was doing, but he swore, then and there, to do the best he could.