The Dark of You (GxG)

20. I don't want to talk!

A rough hit on my shoulder startled me awake. I rose in shock to look around me with my beating heart drumming in my ears. As the room is pitch black, I turned on the lamp at the bedside. I narrowed my eyes to the brightness and gazed at my side. Rylan lays spread out in bed as she is twitching in her sleep. Her forehead glistens, which I presume must be sweat and her hand trembles at her sides. 

Panic filled my chest as I don't know what to do. Should I wake her or let it simply pass. I don't know if I have heard that you shouldn't wake someone up if they have a bad dream or not. I'm not sure. Rylan's breathing pitched up a pace and I couldn't help but pull the covers off her heated body. Her clothes are glued to her skin as if she had been thrown into a pool. 

"Rylan," I whispered and laid my hand on her arm. She shot up in bed and reached out for air as if she had been drowning this entire time.  Her grip on my wrist is so strong as it felt like someone wrapped a tight rope around and pulled. 

"It's okay," I said as she breathed quickly. 

"You are okay," I smiled and laid my free hand onto her warm, wet cheek to bring her eyes to me. 

"You are here," I stroked her cheek with my fingertips.

"Here with me," Her grip on my wrist slowly loosened as her breathing came down to almost a regular pace. She closed her eyes for a while and then came back with her blue eyes still full of something I haven't imagined myself to see in her before; fear. It took her a moment of silence until she put herself back together. 

"I'm sorry I woke you," She said without watching me and cleared her throat and my eyes widened. Why would she apologize for that when she clearly was having a bad dream. 

"Does it happen often?" I asked carefully as I know I might have overstepped a line. She didn't answer as she got out of bed and pulled onto the shirt that is stuck to her skin. 

"I need to go," She said quickly and rushed for the door to escape, but I followed her in worry for her well-being. 

"Rylan," I called out her name as she unlocked the door to her room and stepped in. 

"Rylan," I repeated her name as she was about to close the door, but I held it open forcefully. 

"Please leave me alone," She pleaded and my mouth opened as I don't know what to say. Her hand that holds onto the door trembles rapidly. 

"You can talk to me, you know," I said.

"I don't want to talk!" She shouted and I took a step back from the door. 

"Okay," I nodded and tried to offer her a smile. She rubbed her forehead in frustration. 

"I'll see you tomorrow," Rylan said and closed the door, for which could have been mistaken for a slap in the face, to be honest. I know I shouldn't take her behavior personally, but it's hard not to. 

*** 

I stared at my phone as I knew the alarm was about to go and turned it off. Sleep never seemed to wash over me as time went by. The constant worry for Rylan kept me awake and the frustration of not being able to sleep didn't help either. Sometimes I would find myself out of bed and wander around the bedroom to look at the city lights. However, a few times, I went out into the hallway with the desire to knock on her door. I never did and stood in front of her door like a fool with my hand raised with second thoughts to hold me back.

I didn't want to wake her if she was asleep, but I had a strong feeling she wasn't, not after what happened. Even if she were awake, I wouldn't know what to do. She didn't want me there or my help. Then again, she is just supposed to be my security guard, nothing more, but the past few weeks, and at times it's hard to know the difference. She has been kind to me in a way no one else has. It might be considered a small thing for an average person. Yet, I don't have the freedom to roam like everyone else and Rylan gave me that space.  

I furrowed my eyebrows as my phone buzzed on the bed and I picked it up. 

"Are you awake?" It was the first thing my friend Jude asked. 

"Yeah, why?" I wondered in confusion. 

"I haven't heard from you since you left and you always call me to complain, so I got worried," She said and I rolled my eyes with a chuckle. 

"Things have been a bit busy, that's all," I smiled as it's nice to hear her familiar voice. 

"How is Europe going? Have you been able to see anything at all?" She asked sadly, but a grin came slowly onto my lips.

"I have, actually," I answered as I played with the sleeve of my shirt. 

"Really?" She shouted, surprised to the point I had to hold the phone from my ear. 

"I thought Rylan had such a strong leash on you that you couldn't go anywhere? How did you manage to get away?" It's not that Jude asked too many questions that made my mind go into a mess. It's all the flashes of Rylan that came to my head. The kindness that has managed to creep out of her and the empathy I didn't think she had. 

"Hadley?" I shook my head to come back to reality. 

"I didn't. Rylan, she," I paused as I gazed at the side of my bed where Rylan had fallen asleep but woke up in chaos. 

"She has let the leash off from time to time," I almost wanted to slap my forehead at how stupid that sounded. 

"Oh," She sounded taken aback by my answers. So I decided to explain to her about the trip around England on a bus what we saw. It was really lovely of Rylan to do that. It would probably have been better if I could walk around instead, but I'll gladly take whatever she can give me. Then I continued to talk about the other day here in Paris. I even included the dancing and crying. Jude is the only person I can really talk to as she is the most trusted person in my life. 

"You are talking about the Rylan, right? The one that you could never shake off? The one that kept sneaking into your bedroom in the morning whenever you had company? The one that you would text me every other day to complain about?" She askes and I laughed. 

"Yes," I said and there was a moment of silence.

"Should I be worried?" She blurted out, frantic. I opened my mouth, but a knock on my door interrupted me. 

"I don't think so, but I need to go, my plane will leave in a couple of hours," I stepped out of bed and picked up my hoodie.

"Okay, text me or call me when you can," She said.

"Yeah, I will bye," I hung up the phone before she should say something in return as I brought on the gray hoodie to open the door. Rylan stands there with her arms behind her back and blond hair up in a ponytail as always. I pressed my lips together as she thought about the night came back by the view of the dark spots underneath her eyes. 

"I wasn't sure you were awake, but we'll leave in," She raised her arm to look at her watch.

"Forty-five minutes," She said and stared at me with her pale blue eyes that show no emotion. 

"No, I'm ready. I just need a shower and get dressed," I smiled as I spent almost half an hour of my sleepless night packing my suitcases. 

"Good, you have time for breakfast too if you hurry," She said, but I shook my head.

"No. I'll get some on the plane," I replied and she nodded.

"Okay. I'll meet you here in forty minutes," She said flatly and went into her room. I swallowed hard as the question: if I should be worried came into my mind.