Souls | Severus Snape

10 | Blood

TW: Self-harm (not explicit)

Severus' heart was heavy for the whole day, his mind was clouded with his own caustic words and he knew he went too far until there was no way back to undo the damage he has done. He had hurt you for real this time, and he made you think that you were unwanted and useless.

He never realised how important you were to him until he had to see you push him away and slam the door on his face, instead of smiling at him and pretending as if you were fine. You were deeply hurt, and Severus would remember the disappointment in your eyes every time he tried to take his mind off you.

It did not help when he met Hagrid, knowing that he had found you when he left you in the rain on that day. Severus could tell that Hagrid was furious at him for breaking your heart, but he held himself back from lashing out on him for your sake.

"You said you wanted her gone, didn't you?"

Hagrid reminded him, and Severus stiffened, not realising before about how harsh he was acting towards you.

"She gives up on you, and she gives up on herself."

Hagrid's words haunted Severus for the rest of his day, thinking of the way that could mend your heart and bring you back to him but he felt like something was not right. There was a tug on his heartstrings when he did not get to talk to you in the morning, and you looked so anguished that he was starting to worry.

He became even more worried than he already was when you did not come for dinner. No one knew where you were and what you were doing, and it concerned him so much since he saw you that morning, devastated and hurt. He could not stand it if something bad happened to you because of him.

Severus quickly went to find you in your office, surprising everyone when he stood up and left the Great Hall when he realised you did not come. He did not care if you wanted to scream or yell at him upon seeing his face, he just wanted to make sure you were safe and sound.

But something stirred in him when you were not in your office, and his heart clenched. Every step that he took towards your bedroom was heavy, and as much as he wanted to tell himself that you were fine, there was a pain in his chest, telling him that half of his soul was hurting and his bond with you was too strong for him to ignore.

Just as he was about to knock on your bedroom door, he heard a noise from inside of your room, it was as if a few things were scattered on the ground at the same time, and he swore he heard the sound of glass shattering.

Blood rushed through his veins as he decided to open the door without announcing himself, and he walked in silently, frowning when he did not see you. His brain was making up a plethora of bad things that could happen to you including you were abducted, but then his eyes landed on the bathroom door and he sighed in relief.

His eyes widen when he heard a loud thud coming from the bathroom. His heart was beating rapidly against his chest when he tried to open the door but it was locked from inside, and Severus could smell something that was so familiar to him from his past— Blood.

The scent of blood was not so foreign to him, but it was not something that he was fond of. The stench of iron bombarded his senses and he could not think straight. He had been in this situation before, and he ended up finding his best friend's dead body. But what he was feeling before was different than this, and it felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest when he thought about you being hurt.

He could handle a thousand of deaths, but not yours, not his soulmate's.

No, he could not lose you, not when you did not know how much you meant to him. You were his soulmate, his everything. He would not be able to forgive himself if you were hurt and he was not there to protect you.

He needed to see you on the other side of the door, and at the moment, he was not thinking of a spell or anything but his mind was fogged with the thought of you and what was happening to you, hence Severus broke the door and he was met with the most heartbreaking sight in his whole life.

You were lying unconsciously on the bathroom floor, in a pool of your own blood.

Colours drained from his face and he felt his heart dropped. He realised he had pushed you over the edge, and you hurt yourself because of him. Staggering to kneel next to you, Severus felt your faint heartbeat and he pulled himself together, telling himself that he needed to heal you before it was too late.

"Don't leave me, Y/N."

He whispered, pulling you into his chest and taking out of his wand to heal you. Oh, how he wished to hold you close to him with you smiling in his arms, and not like this, when you were close to death because of him. Severus made many mistakes in in his life, but hurting you was not just a mistake, it felt like a sin, the one that was punishing him right now.

"Please don't leave me."

Fear was clouding his senses and Severus did not even realise he was crying as he held you and healed you. The image of you lying in your blood would be forever etched in his mind, and he swore he would never let anything harm you as long as he was breathing. The whole world around him was disappearing as his focus was in saving you, and nothing else mattered to him. The tears dried on his face as time was ticking, reminding him that if he was late just by a second, you could be dead.

"Don't leave me."

He muttered again and again, suddenly feeling so alone and scared, if he ever lost you, his world would come crashing down like a paper plane. He wanted to live his life with you now, and nothing could come between you and him, and he would die fighting if it meant he could keep you happy with him.

Panic rose in his chest when you fell limp in his arms, and your heartbeat weakened. His hand was trembling as he held his wand tightly until his knuckles turned white, not even once did he think to stop healing you even when it started to feel like he was too late to save you.

"Y/N, stay with me."

His voice cracked, a kaleidoscope of feelings were battling in his chest. He was heartbroken, and he was angry at himself for allowing this to happen to you. He was losing you, and he would be trapped in agony forever if you slipped through his fingers.

"I cannot lose you."

Your name was like a chant, and Severus was truly afraid of losing you, and he had never felt such fear before. It felt like he was buried in guilt and sorrow, and he needed you to take him out of them but now you were dying in his arms, and you did not even know that he needed you just as much as you needed him.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N."

He took you for granted before and now just wanted to see your smile again, to hear your laughs and to make you happy. Your body was cold, and the horrifying scent of blood was making him feel sick. He felt a lump on his throat when your heartbeat did not race as it was supposed to, and it felt like he was losing you.

However, he never stopped healing you. Your heart was fading but Severus let himself to believe in the power of your soulmates bond with him, and he wished it was strong enough to give you the will and the strength to live, as he was there for you.

He was terrified of losing you, but it felt so real that he almost gave up on you. Severus held you closer into his chest, muttering healing spells with quivering lips, as he could only pray that he would get a second chance to see your smile again.

"I cannot lose you, Y/N."