waves and ripples

relocation

— jessie's pov

walking up the stairs, realization finally kicked it. I left everybody.

Yea, I can call them and stuff.

But everybody isn't around the corner anymore. They're gone. No more walking to Clara's in the nighttime or hanging out with the team on girls' night.

I took all those moments for granted, but now they're gone. I felt my heart sink; this is going to be my life now. " you ok?" James whispered.

I nod; cherish the person that you do have.

We drag our luggage into Emily's modern home; it was the same way I remembered it. But this time, I didn't want to be here. I walk into the room that I had stayed in previous times to see it changed to something like a man-cave. What the hell? Emily follows behind me, closing the door.
" sorry, mike moved his things here." she guides me to the guest bedroom across the hall. " this is your room now." it looked like she tried to change it to how my room looked like before the man-cave. 

Now she has a boyfriend, that's great. Did she get one before or after disconnecting with her child?

I drag my suitcases inside and head to the bathroom slamming the door. I could hear Emily guiding James to the guest house they had in the back. But I was completely over it.

I spray my face with water; get everything out. Wash everything away. I hear a knock on the bedroom door. " Jessie?" It was Emily.

I walk out of the bathroom into her line of sight. I don't say anything, but we lock eyes. " I'm sorry."
My shoulders become less tense, a part of me wanted to yell at her for forgetting about me, but another part wanted to hear her out.

You already yelled at her once, I tell myself. Maybe I should hear her out. " I gotta admit sometimes I don't know how to be a good mom, well a mother in general matter in-fact. Sometimes I don't know what to do cause I've done it wrong so many times before." I could sense she was going to start to cry.

" what type of my lets her daughter get raped, beaten!" her voice cracks a tiny bit. That part wasn't her fault. I didn't want her to blame herself for that. it was my fault and my actions that let me repeatedly get raped. " you don't deserve this; you don't deserve someone that doesn't understand." I wipe my wet face, knowing she wasn't done.

" When I first laid eyes on you, you were everything I ever wanted in life, and I made a promise that I won't ever fail you." she did. She made a promise that she won't ever let the world tear me apart. But every mom makes that promise, and I don't think any of them ever keep it. " but I broke that promise, and I get it. You have every right to be mad at me. But, you have no right not to let me fix what I broke!" she sternly wiping her tears.

She was done talking, and honestly, she was right. every single word. " please don't ever leave me like that again." I breakdown in place. I didn't only mean leave me physically but left me mentally alone. When she died, and when I was raped, I felt so alone.

It felt as if I was in a dark room with voices that were all trying to guide me to the light, but the only voice I wanted to listen to was gone.

Emily wraps her arms around me, just like the first time she brought me home but without her carrying me and everything. I nestle my face into her chest; I felt each teardrop fall onto my head.

Five teardrops, six teardrops, seven teardrops, eight, nine.....
" Please forgive me." she kisses my forehead repeatedly. I'll never hate her. I missed her. for the longest time; I missed her when she was right there.

— emily's pov
hugging her, feeling her breath shake. I felt that connection. The mother-daughter connection I felt from day one.

We just stood there in the middle of the room; I was stroking her hair. The coils were gone, and every time I lifted my hand to repeat, I could feel tiny strands come out.

I love her.