waves and ripples

recovery

Jessies pov

I stood on the scale for hopefully the last time. I took a deep breath

"127.4," the nurse says as I step off the scale. Those words felt bitter in my mouth and sweet in my heart; I could finally go home. With ten days before school, I could lose a good amount. Next, I just had to pass the psychological exam. It was easy. Answer no to the obvious red flag questions and yes to the "I'm recovered" questions.

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*twelve days after being discharged*

It's been a chaotic couple of days. Mark and Emily aren't together anymore. I guess he couldn't handle me coming back home after two months. Emily was more attentive to matters concerning me; it made me upset that she was always breathing down my shoulder, but we were getting closer. "don't forget your textbooks." Emily yells from the bathroom.

"Thanks, mom!" it was the second day of college (which is technically junior year in America). I hadn't made any friends yet, nor did I want to. I liked my own company for once. So I make my way to the guest house to say bye to James. He's been working all the time since Emily made him start paying rent. "good morning, babe-" I swung the door open to see James obviously on the bed but another woman laying next to him. he didn't budge, though. He was still sleeping. But, the other lady had woken up. "who are you?!" she quietly gets off the bed, making a hush motion with her finger. "don't hush me!" I say even louder causing James to start to wake up. Upon further inspection, she was wearing nothing but a lace bra and thong.

"Shit, Jessie." He exclaims, trying to put on his boxers. he can't get out of this. There's no excuse. "This is not what it looks like." it's exactly what it looks like. I quickly wiped the tears off my face, but they just kept falling. I can't even manage to pull myself together. "w-why would do this?" Finally, I muster up the courage to say. He doesn't say anything for what feels like hours. But instead, he starts walking closer to me. "I'm sorry, baby." He tries to latch his arms around me.

"No!" I push his arms off, running back upstairs to my room, slamming the door as if my life depended on it. I sank onto my wall; he was always good in my life. How could he? I've been doing everything right! Being happy, even while losing weight! I curl into a ball on my side, sobbing and almost throwing up on the floor. this was all fake. Everything is fake. What's the point? " Jessie?!" I hear Emily's voice from behind my door. "What's wrong, honey?" she tried to open the door, but my body was blocking. She kept pushing through. I wasn't that heavy."Oh, Honey." She comes to the floor and brings me to an upright position. I was shaking and coughing as someone had died. But it felt like someone did. I was dying.

Emily grabs me, cradling my head into her chest. I just stayed there. Not wanting to imagine what she would say about the whole situation. " What's wrong?" Everything's wrong. " James h-he cheated on me." Emily's eyes widen. Pulling my head back into her chest. She wasn't saying anything. I decided not to say anything either.

"Do you want to stay home from school?" She asks. I would love to but I don't even want to be in the same space as him. I nod my head and pull myself up.

I don't ever want to be near him. But, I'm not going to kick him out. I can't- he's working on going to university! Saving money and all. I'll think about this later, right now let's just try to go to school.

I wipe my tears and put my backpack back on. Clearly still heartbroken I kiss Emily on the cheek. "Bye, mom." I leave the room before she says anything. I feel the cold air hit my body. It felt horrible like my bones were chittering from the inside. I wait for the bus with about six other kids. I tried to make it unknown that I've been crying my heart out. but, the cold was just making it worse.