𝖍𝖝𝖍 𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖘

The Nights I Hold You Close [feitan x reader]

Top ???

Bottom ???

Author: silentexplorer18 (on ao3)

(cute fluff 🐀)

____________________

Night watch was almost always boring, which was never a good thing. However, lately two things in particular were making it worse. First, your latest mission with the Troupe—the mission you were currently guarding the hideout for—had stirred some deeply unpleasant memories from the forgotten abyss of your psyche, resulting in flashbacks and other horrors you would rather have avoided. Secondly, Feitan, your closest friend and constant night watch partner, had figured out something was off.

In all honesty, you should have expected it. The lack of sleep, the memories that would flood your brain at random times, the emotional overwhelm in your gut that put your whole body on edge, it was all evident in your—still remarkably subtle—body language. Something was off.

The rest of the Troupe hadn't realized anything was amiss yet, but that wasn't particularly surprising either. They didn't know you as well as Feitan did. How that came to be was partially a mystery. When you'd been accepted into the Troupe, natural ability had placed your skills on par with Feitan. Whenever possible, the two of you gravitated toward partnering up. Eventually, when the group parted for individual pursuits, Feitan had contacted you, asking for backup on a mission. You'd been working together off and on ever since.

It was only natural that he'd notice the subtle change in your demeanor and body language. But that didn't mean you had to like it. Or want it to happen, for that matter.

Your only saving grace was that he hadn't figured out exactly what was bothering you. However, with the quiet, exhausting nights watching for enemies that would never come, it was only a matter of time before he figured it out. Or asked.

If he asked you directly, you wouldn't lie. You trusted him, and, although he would never say it, he trusted you to some degree as well. You wouldn't dare put that trust in jeopardy.

But that didn't mean the glances he kept giving you weren't unnerving. It didn't mean you wanted to tell him the truth, even though you would.

He'd been staying closer than normal. Usually, even when alone on guard duty, he put some space between the two of you, settling for an upper position while you sat in the middle, staring down the hallway. However, lately he'd been right by your side.

"You quiet tonight," he said, breaking the silence.

Maybe that was part of why he was figuring things out. You were so tired. The exhaustion had been building for days. The lack of sleep made it more difficult to handle the flashbacks during the day, but sleeping was somehow so much worse.

It was like you were falling and burning all at once. But that's what you were doing now. It was dark, but oh, so light, nearly blinding behind your eyes. It throbbed against your chest in harsh pulses. A fire? A flame? Your heart? The sun? Yet you were still falling, and your body braced for an impact that would never come. It hurt to breathe, but it didn't . The screaming was loud but the room was silent. Feitan was silent. Everything was silent.

Your eyes blinked back into focus, seeing again a vision of your friend who was now staring back at you. His eyes were wide, face watching with a surprisingly visible amount of concern. You breathed out through your nose, releasing a breath you hadn't noticed you were holding.

"Where you go?" he asked gently, watching your vision completely focus in on him again.

You cleared your throat, shifting uncomfortably. You hated when it happened in front of other people, especially him. Usually nobody noticed under the cover of darkness, but he was just so damn attentive. "Somewhere I don't want to be."