Bück dich (Till Lindemann x reader)

intro / 1) chapter ~ End of summer

~Your P.O.V.~

It was one of that average wet lazy summer afternoons. People were out and enjoying last days of holiday. Since my child years I wasn't into these things very much but the youthness and unsetteled energy in me win all the way and made me go out.

"Hi!" I yelled to Ellene, my best friend when I finally saw them in the middle of the hot street. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Christoph, my boyfriend. My stomach began to feel sick but that was normal, I was anxious about socializing all the time. No matter I knew these people for few years it was still odd to be out.

"Cheers Y/N!" screamed Ellene and Christoph and I ran to them and hugged them. I noticed nervous shade on Christoph's face when I gave him a little kiss, he was all the time very positive but I used to ignored that.

"So, where we should go now?" asked Chris and grabbed my hand.

"What about the field around that abandoned castle? You know, it's not that far away and it'd be beautiful view when the sun is going to set." I suggested. It was really nice place, sometimes I went there when I was sad or just wanted to be alone.

"That's a great idea Y/N, let's go." smiled Ellene. Then she gave me bottle of wine that she probably held all our way to my hiding spot and I didn't even noticed that. I accept and drink a bit of it.

Also I felt pretty bad for taking them to my "secret place" since it was a secret, you know, but they were friends so I guess that's okay. My mum told me to socialize more and it was last day of holiday and we all are going to study at different universities anyway so that doesn't matter that they know my hiding place since they're moving to another cities.

We sat under one tree that was close to caste walls and watched sun going closer and closer to the horizont. We had some small talk and drunk whole bottle of wine. I didn't felt drunk just very calm and pretty happy. I giggled to something and Christoph stroked my arm.

"Guys, I really need to go now, my parents told me to be home till nine." said Ellene out of sudden.

"Oh. Yeah so bye for now." I smiled.

"Bye." said Chris. After a few moments we were left alone. The sky was dark violet with bits of bloody orange from a dying sun. It got a bit colder so I pulled myself closer to him.

I looked up at him and he looked at me. I started to kiss him but something was different. His nervous face... he's not glad I started kissing him first -> he's hiding something!

"What?" I tore up from him.

"Nothing-" he mumbled and now he kissed me. Then he started stroking my hips and sneaked his left hand under my Nirvana tank top. Afterwards he laid me down not so gently then get on the top of me. I knew what he's gonna do. When he unzipped his pants things get really uncomfortable, it was always uncomfortable but this was too much for me.

"What's wrong?" he asked roughly when I stopped him and tried to sit.

"I-I think I'm not prepared..." I whispered. I was afraid of sex all the time.

"Y/N, I waited for too long, I can't wait anymore." he almost shouted, I widen my eyes. Then I started to rethink about why he was dating me at all. There's ton, no millions! of other girls out there, even in this small town who would fuck him. He was one of the 'prettier guys' outta here, he should get any girl he want so why he chosen me? I'm not even pretty, my personality is really ...probably average and really depressive and for most part boring. And how they say no-one's attracted to depressed emos.

"You seem you want to die as a virgin, don't ya?" he said with ice cold face, I can't believe he really said that. "If it is because of all the stuff you just cannot get over so I'm sorry, we have to break up. I don't want to waste my time with somebody who don't appreciate me the way I deserve." he ended his monologue, it sounded more like he was prepared for this speech than just an impulsive thing. Which hurts even more. He planned this break up. But it wasn't for the first time I avoided sex. I was just too scared and plus I don't believe him, yet (and probably will never be). So there's no reason to want to have sex with him, is it?

I wanted to kick him to the balls but I was paralyzed by his words so I was just sat on a ground staring at him.

"Have a nice time on uni ...and live a happy frigid life." he said with a serious face. Then I just watched him walking away like nothing has happened. Hate was boiling inside of me. I physically felt it, like a fire right under my skin trying to get out. I let it. I jumped up and kicked into the tree and growled.

"Why?! Why me!" I yelled to already dark sky. Tears bumped into my eyes and pouring down as a waterfall that probably melted down my make-up but that was the last thing I was caring about at that moment.

I don't remember how I get home, all I remember is warm feeling of my plushie blanket, that "Sappy" by Nirvana was playing and the I cried myself to sleep...