Kannada Script Review Shop

75 | Alix | Scream for Me

Book: Scream For Me: A Tale of Revenge in the West (Trailblazers) by Caleb Saniatan | dispeepwrites

Reviewer: Alix | by_a_dancer

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Title [4/5]

Since I started reviewing, the title changed from Scream for me: A Tale of Revenge in the West to Trailblazers. The first one seems to be more of a nod to the western genre, especially in combination with the old "sandy" cover. The new title with the new cover look more like an action-thriller story to me, and I am not sure if that is the expectations you want to set for the reader.

Cover [3.5/5]

The cover also changed a few times and the current one (red with a pistol) convinces me the least, to be honest. It doesn't seem to reflect the genre or the time the story is set in, the sandy one rather spoke to me, but again it all depends on the expectations you are going for.

Blurb/Synopsis [3.5/5]

The blurb is short and well written, but after reading it I am not sure what kind of a journey I can be expecting. Your synopsis is rather focused on the characters than on the story. I would suggest revealing a little more of the adventure to lure the reader into your world. Your world and your story have so much to offer. It has to reflect in your blurb.

Genre [5/5]

Your settings, characters, your writing style, all fits well into the genre.

Originality [10/10]

I've never read anything of that kind. Definitely unique and stands out from everything I read on WP so far. Please bring that uniqueness out in your blurb to attract a wider audience, I think your story deserves that.

Description [8/10]

I think you've got a nice, fluent writing style that is appropriate for the genre, but especially the historical aspects of your story were sometimes not prominent enough. Especially at the beginning, if I didn't read the blurb I would not know that the book is set in a different time. This is something you could pull off through the descriptions. The setting description of their house at the beginning, the clothes they are wearing could be indicative of the thirties. Maybe sneak in the financial crisis and how that affected them, just so we know we are back in time.

Robbery Bill witnesses: It is the first action scene in the story, I think it could use faster pacing with shorter sentences and paragraphs to convey the surprise of Bill and the precision of the robber's routine maybe. I also believe accompanying your descriptions with different senses (sound of the engine, feeling the trembling ground from the galloping horse, the smell of fresh blood, etc.) would give them more depth.

"Ten minutes after witnessing the botched robbery, Bill heard hoofclops behind him."

It's just plainly stated as a matter of fact. I think I'd rather know what is going on in his head after witnessing the murder / how he is (not) processing that than how much time has passed. Maybe the hoofclops tear him out of his thoughts? Otherwise, he may come across as a little robotic.

My other advice in terms of descriptions would be to try to pay attention to your wording. The chapters are super long. See if each of your sentences is really contributing to the story. Cut the rest. And check if your wording is descriptive enough. You like to use the word "said" after the direct speech, but sentences like "he said" and "one of them said" contribute absolutely nothing to the story. On the contrary, if you use something like: "one of them spat" or "he raised an eyebrow at his horse" or at least use a description of how the person said it, that would elevate your writing.