Haze and Hesitation

Chapter 6- The Return Home

Ilyana- Before

I shifted in my seat as the carriage wheels rattled beneath us, peering out the windows as the gates of my father's manor slid into view. I could see the servants lined up in the marble courtyard, my parents standing at the doors. My heart skipped a beat, hoping that this time would be different than all the times before. That my mother would hug me, hold me close to her heart, as though she missed me. Haniyah gave me an encouraging smile as a steward opened the door for us, nudging me softly with a hand. I stepped out, shielding my eyes from the glare of the midday sun, Haniyah following me.

My feet barely touched the ground, and I am already wrapped in my father's bear hug,

"Oh, my jaan, how have you been?" he rumbled, as I took in the smell of my father, the dust of the city mingled with the agarwood incense he always used.

"I'm fine, Baba...how are you?" I mumble into his shirt. He stood back, looking at me, and beamed, as if happy with what he saw before him. At least him, if not my mother.

"Alhamdulillah, we've missed you," my mother, who hadn't said anything until now, answered for him, showing no signs of that being true. She stepped out from behind my father and planted perfunctory kisses on both my cheeks. "The whole household has been preparing for your arrival." She glanced briefly at Haniyah and Adara, reminding me to introduce them.

"Baba, Maman, may I introduce Haniyah Anwari, my lady-in-waiting."

Haniyah offered her most gracious smile and curtsied. "It is an honor to meet you."

"It is lovely to make your acquaintance," my mother nods.

"And this Adara Fitzmorris," I continued as a steward guided her horse away, "my personal guard."

Baba perked up at the mention of Adara, remembering how Sultan Nafil hand-picked her for me.

"I welcome you both to our home, and hope you will find your stay pleasant," my mother said as she guided us inside. "Mabrukah and her children will be joining us for lunch today."

Haniyah sneaks me a smile, knowing how excited I must be to see my half-siblings.

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The aroma of Cook's special treat for me wafts down the hall: fried dumplings with a savory filling of napa cabbage and radish wrapped in crispy, thin wrappers. I inhaled it as I made my way down to the family room with Haniyah, where everyone was gathered. As soon as I opened the door I almost fell over as a child flung himself at me.

"Jalal! You can't do that every time someone enters the room!" Mariyah, my sister, admonishes as she peels him off of me.

"Ilyana, I can't believe you're finally back! Hello there, you must be Haniyah! How was your trip? Not too rickety I hope? I always hate traveling when we go to visit my grandparents," she says all in one breath as she leans in for a hug, struggling to hold Jalal back. Although she is two years younger than me, I have to stand on the tip of my toes to reach her.

I laugh, feeling at home now. "This must be the boisterous Jalal I always hear about in your letters!"

I took him from her arms and looked up, taking in my family around the room: Omar, who is a year younger than Mariyah, distracted as he petted a kitten, likely a stray he'd found; Zaki lying lazily on the sofa, while his twin sister Zoya perked up excitedly when she heard my name. Mabrukah, their mother, with her back to me, talking to my mother. Haniyah immediately gravitated toward Omar and his kitten. My oldest brother Azad was nowhere to be found.