ecstasy | corpse husband

chapter 24.

"my boyfriend."

those were the last words corpse ever expected elowen to say, but she said them. he can't seem to wrap his head around any part of it.

"come again?" is all he can muster.

her eyes open, slowly, and look up at him through the dim room. "my boyfriend," she repeats, so normally. "have I never mentioned him before?"

he shakes his head wordlessly. part of him still hopes it's the beer talking.

"oh. with good reason, probably, but I guess I threw that out the window," she laughs lightly, and it's a strange sound. "It's been a looong time since I've thought about him. does that make me a bad girlfriend? probably," she answers her own question.

corpse studies her features, trying to grasp how this revelation changes things. how it changes them. perhaps it's for the better, he thinks, despite his own wishes. at the same time, he wonders why she's thought to bring him up now, why she was reminded of him in this moment. most likely, the alcohol is to blame. his ego would be hurt if he didn't know better.

"you know, I thought I would miss him by now. I really did, in the beginning. but now, I just... don't."

he feels like he's hearing something he shouldn't. "maybe you telling me this isn't a good—"

"It isn't like he thought about me, anyway," she ignores corpse's warning, hugging her arms over her stomach rather stubbornly. "I wonder if he ever did. you don't abandon someone you love like that; you don't leave them to die. he did it so easily." she pauses. "I loved him... love... him." her face sets sadly.

as in, still do, corpse notes in his head. he suddenly becomes very aware of the fact that he has another man's girlfriend in his lap at the moment. this entire time, she's belonged to someone else. It feels bizarre, and it almost makes him angry that she's never thought to tell him but then again, that would entail he wants some sort of claim to her. which he doesn't. he can't.

"It wouldn't be the first time," she adds pensively. "another name for my list. mason." when she finally whispers his name, it feels foreign on her tongue.

am I on that list? he's wondering, but then mason's name triggers something in corpse's mind. a memory. multiple. he's heard that name before, specifically in her voice. the night they first met. her trying to throw herself in front of a speeding semi-truck. her calling for him in the middle of the street the next day, so stupidly. he never thought to ask about it before, thought it wasn't any of his business, but now that she's telling him herself...

"mason... is your boyfriend," he clarifies.

elowen nods absently, not realizing his revelation.

"you almost died for him," corpse continues, his voice like stone. "twice."

she nods her head again and bites the inside of her lip, suddenly somber. "I said I loved him," she offers as explanation.

corpse is shaking his head then, trying to work things out in his mind. trying to understand. "that's different," he tells her. loving someone and being so in-love with someone that you would die for them. where there can be a moment that their life is suddenly more valuable than yours, or where a world without them in it is so unbearable it isn't worth living in anymore. that's an entirely different level of love for another person that he can't even begin to fathom.

she had that for him.

"you're right," her voice draws him out of his thoughts, and she finds his eyes now. "It is different. I gave him everything and he gave me none of him. maybe it wasn't his fault, but he let me drown in him...wanted it that way, even. I loved enough for the both of us. his good girl..." her voice trails off, much like her eyes begin to disconnect.