ecstasy | corpse husband

chapter 29.

elliott bay, washington

corpse takes her hands away from his neck, settling them onto her lap instead. the air between them feels thin, constricting.

"It isn't okay for me to touch you now?" elowen tries not to frown.

"you shouldn't. for your own sake, not mine."

"I doubt anything will happen from me just touching it. how else will I treat it?"

"I don't remember asking you to," he counters in an even voice. "this isn't your problem to fix."

"that isn't what I think," she insists, her hand resting on his thigh now, though it's a lie. "I just...assumed—"

"no, elowen." It's all he says, offering no elaboration as to what he is denying her of. he is simply denying her, and she dislikes it very much, especially coming from him. "It's nothing."

"how can you say that? doesn't it hurt? have you been in pain all this time? why would you keep this from me?"

"stop worrying." there's a darker edge to his tone when he speaks this time, making her quiet. "I didn't keep anything from you. I've felt nothing. this is news to me, as well."

It isn't like he would have had access to a mirror any time recently. and this change must have been recent for none of them to have noticed. she releases her grip on her concern for him, realizing it's making her overbearing. the last thing she wants is to overwhelm him.

"will you let me treat it?" the question comes out a whisper. she has antibiotics in the first aid kit, and over-the-counter drugs from the convenient store. surely, something will be of use.

but corpse says no, and she can't bring herself to understand why. "Is this about the kiss?" she finds herself blurting before she can think of the consequences.

he pales at her words. "It isn't about that."

"well, then?" elowen rises from the bench. "what is the matter with you?"

"elowen—"

she can't handle the sound of her name coming out of his mouth, as if he's about to lecture her rather than answer her. "don't, corpse. don't brush me off again. answer my question."

he struggles to work out a suitable response. "It isn't so simple."

"give me the long version then," she says expectantly. when he stares at the wall, avoiding her gaze, she feels the need to pull on her hair. "you act like you don't even know me anymore."

"I never did," he points out, abrasive in his choice of words.

elowen turns away from him then, not wanting him to see the raw emotion on her face or tears welling in her eyes. she walks back to the captain's cabin without another word to him. he doesn't deserve the satisfaction of a reaction out of her, of seeing the hurt he inflicted succeed in wounding her.

elowen manages to keep her tears at bay once she's with the others, though her heart aches with the weight of an anvil smothering it. corpse still isn't communicating with her, and worse, he's deliberately pushing her away. she feels what she felt the night of their argument behind the parking garage.

resentment.

ever since then, there's been an unrelenting animosity between them. everything changed. she even thinks it was before that, rooting back to the incident in the alley when she risked her life for him. the kiss had only deepened the chasm and did more harm than good.

she regrets more than ever letting him put his mouth on hers.

It angers her, because wasn't that his fault? she had never explicitly given any thought to kissing him, had forced herself to suppress those urges she didn't even know existed out of doubt and guilt, and now he stroke the match.