[Unorthodox Desire]Megumi Fushiguro x fem reader

Extra: Suicide

I'm only like three days clean and I already wanna cut again, so this is gonna be my outlet so I don't do it. Most of you are probably sick of self-harm and panic attacks but it's all I got in my depressed head. Enjoy lol. 

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT 

Y/n pov

I sighed to myself as I realized I had absolutely no will to stop myself from cutting again. I stared down at my shaking hand feeling the tension in my chest let go and then squeeze again. I rolled off my bed and walked over to my desk. Shakily opening the desk drawer I smiled to myself. Relief here I come.   

Picking up the little box that held my blade I felt my anticipation kick up a notch. I opened the box, quickly picking up the sharp blade inside. I rolled up my sleeves, blade in hand ready to cut. Counting to three I raised the blade. One quick slice will produce the most blood. again and again, I was obsessed. One way and then the other, that sweet red liquid poured down arms. Only stopping to admire my work, like a beautiful painting on my skin. 

I raised a hand up and swiped a bit of blood onto my finger. Staring at it in a trance I copied my actions with my other fingers. I adored that pretty red color all over my hands. I started to feel lightheaded and a smile lit up my face. Is this what it's like to be close to death?  

The world went black. 

Time skip 

I awoke to the sound of rhythmic beeps and quiet breathing. When I opened my eyes I was met with blinding light. Jesus, turn it down afterlife. When my vision came to I realized I was in a hospital room and not the afterlife. Well, that's disappointing. I sighed and looked over at the pressure on my hand. A sleeping boy with raven hair and pretty features was causing my discomfort. I smiled at the sight and gave his hand in mine a little squeeze. That's when I noticed the bandages on my arm. Flashbacks of the night before flooded into my mind. 

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Megumi stirred in his sleep. His eyes fluttered open and he looked up to me nonchalantly. I gave him a small smile and his eyes widened. He stared at me for a solid minute before tears started to form in his eyes. 

"Megumi," I murmured before pulling my hand from his and resting it on his cheek, wiping away his tears with my thumb. His eyes stayed on mine as he leaned into my hand. 

"Thank god you're okay," He whispered finally shutting his eyes and pulling his hand up to rest atop mine. I smiled. 

"I'm sorry." I quietly said after a while. He shook his head giving me a sad little smile. 

"We don't have to talk about it now." He started to stand and I pulled him down onto the bed. 

"Let's cuddle then, love." I pulled him against me and buried my face into his back. 

"I love you, y/n." He said and I smiled. 

"I love you too, Megumi." 

~~~~

Heyo, if you're feeling at all suicide please talk to a trusted adult and seek help. If you're not comfortable with that feel free to message me so we can at least talk. I'm not sure how much I could help but at the very least I will listen and genuinely care about you. If you need compliments or just some love I can provide that as well. Please remember that I care about all of you and love you so very much. You are valid. You are enough. <3 <3   

Thanks for reading!