The Underworld

chapter thirty

"They want you to take an ultrasound."

"No," I shook my head. I have been able to avoid finding out the gender of the baby thus far for the sake of not wanting to go through what Louis promised he'd do.

Anna ran a hand through her black hair. "I've been able to delay it using excuses, but I don't think I can stop them from sending a doctor here."

"What if we fake it?" I asked. The more I spoke, the more I believed the plan could work. "We show them pictures of the ultrasound and tell them it's a boy."

Anna blinked once, then twice. "What if they ask for documentation from the doctor to confirm it?"

"That can be faked too." I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing it wasn't an easy process but it wasn't impossible. "There's got to be at least one mom far along into their pregnancy like me. We can just swap out any of her information to mine."

"It's not easy to get a doctor to go against what they went through years of school for or going against my family. They'd be risking their career and their life, and their families lives."

Anna and I shared the same frown. I admit that she is right that finding a doctor to agree to help us won't be easy due to the consequences if we were to get caught. Or at least I, and especially Anna, would assure it wouldn't be in our part. She asked, "why don't you want to find out the baby's gender?"

I hadn't told Anna about her brother's promise.

"Because I don't know what'll happen when they find out." I could still remember what Louis said—word for word. They haunted me every day.

He promised he'd kill my baby as I watched and then make me wish I had died. He told me he wouldn't stop until I gave him a boy and if time proved that I wouldn't then he'd kill me.

But I knew . . . Something told me that Louis wouldn't hesitate to just get rid of me the moment he'd find out if I was carrying his daughter and not his son. I was replaceable as he made me believe. Finding someone who could give him a boy wouldn't be much of a problem for him and his parents. They could simply grab one of the maids if they wanted to. They could buy a girl he was pleased with and use her any way he wanted. If she was a problem to them then they could easy find another until he was satisfied.

"I don't—" I fisted the sheets beneath me. "I can't let them—him—do anything else to me or the baby."

"But would you want to know? Forget about them. Think about yourself. Would you want to know the gender right now?"

I don't know.

I honestly had no idea how I'd feel besides fear if it was a girl and relief if it was a boy. While I didn't blame the baby for what was happening to me—us—I never wanted kids, or at least I never wanted any now. Not with Louis especially.

I am a horrible mother.

I didn't even deserve to be called one.

I answered truthfully, "I don't know."

Anna was silent for a moment, "if I found a way for you to have the ultrasound without them finding out, would you want to go?"

I slowly nodded, "if they wouldn't find out."

It wasn't exactly for myself why I'd accepted. Anna was glad for the pregnancy—not how it happened—but glad to be an aunt. If finding out the gender would somehow show how much I appreciated all she has done for me then I wouldn't oppose.