Sunlight ━━ Sebastian Stan

XVIII. real life

（ EIGHTEEN. ）

"So," Sebastian said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "I guess this is it." He glanced behind him, then back at Gloria, who was leaning against the door of her car.

They stood in a secluded and empty parking lot—apparently, Sebastian used this every time he came to airport to avoid paparazzi. Gloria was still in shock at the notion of getting VIP access.

"Yeah," Gloria said, crossing her arms. "So—" she nodded towards the back entrance "—how does this work?"

"Usually I go through the front like a normal person," Sebastian quipped with an offhand shrug. He moved his gaze to Gloria a moment later, and she felt her heart flutter as he took a step closer. "But. . ." He shrugged bashfully, cheeks slightly flushed. "I didn't want to be seen kissing you goodbye."

The moment the words left his mouth, Gloria felt her heart rate suddenly triple in speed. Sebastian's eyes were more grey than blue now, twinkling dimly in the afternoon sun like lights scattered across a sleeping city—and Gloria didn't know what to say.

She thought about leaning in, making it romantic. But the idea made her stomach turn in a strange way, like Gloria was out of touch with reality, floating away to avoid this strange new feeling she hadn't felt in years.

And as Sebastian leaned in, Gloria realized that she, too, must have done the same—because their lips were just inches away from each other. There was no way that only one of them had closed the distance between.

Gloria reached up as Sebastian wrapped an arm gently around her waist; she rested her hand on his broad shoulder, feeling like she was barely in the present. As she felt her lips brush Sebastian's stubble, and then a fraction of a second later, his lips, Gloria's eyes drifted closed.

His hand came up to rest on Gloria's chin—and suddenly it wasn't Sebastian about to kiss her, but Marcus, with his honey-brown eyes and auburn curls.

With a gasp, Gloria jerked away, eyes stinging with fresh tears and hands shaking as she tried to steady herself against the door of her car. Marcus, the last person she'd kissed, the last person she'd known, the last person she'd loved.

And here she was, about to kiss someone else like nothing had happened.

My fault, her ears rang. My fault, my fault, my fault.

She looked up at Sebastian. His expression was a mixture of disappointment and horror; he was now gripping the handle of his suitcase so tightly his knuckles has paled. His blue-grey eyes were wide with shock. And, Gloria noticed sickeningly, with betrayal.

"What—" he choked out. "Gloria, are you okay? Did—did I do something wrong?" He took a step forward as Gloria backed away, her vision now blurred with tears.

"God, Sebastian, I'm sorry," she whispered, using the sleeve of her pink and red flannel to wipe away her tears. "I can't do this. I'm so sorry." I can't do this to Marcus.

I can't move on.

Gloria squeezed her eyes shut, and a stray tear leaked out as she turned away. Even in the midst of her tumultuous emotions, a pit of guilt sank into her stomach—not for Marcus, but for Sebastian. She'd hurt him, she was hurting him, and by doing so Gloria was hurting herself.

But what would Marcus say? What would his family say if they found out she'd moved on?

"Gloria. . ." Sebastian breathed. "I have to go."

Looking back up at him, Gloria nodded and sniffled. "I'm s-sorry."

"Don't be," he whispered, one hand on her arm. "Just. . . whoever hurt you, I promise I'm not like them."

Sebastian's hand drifted down to brush against Gloria's knuckles gently, like a soft summer breeze. She felt chills erupt down both arms, and they stayed there long after Sebastian left, walking through the gates escorted by a troupe of security guards.

No one hurt me, Gloria imagined telling him later, as she pulled out of the airport's parking lot. I hurt myself; I hurt Marcus.

She made a left turn and merged into the oncoming traffic, blinking rapidly, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were still flowing as she set the GPS to take her home.

And I can't hurt you.