Painting Flowers // Ashton Irwin [au]

Six

Ashton’s POV

The clashes of swords and battle cries blaring from the speakers in the living room as everyone continues to watch the movie is loud enough to drown out the sound on my rapid, jagged breathing, but to me, it sounds like my panic and anxiety is hooked up to a microphone and is playing on surround sound for everyone to hear.

I should hang up right now. I shouldn’t even say a word to her. I can’t talk to her. Not right now. I’m not ready yet. But if I’m not ready, why can’t I force myself to pull the phone away from my ear?

My hands grip the back of the dining chair ever tighter than before and I shift my focus away from the sound of her breathing through the earpiece to my whitening knuckles.

“I’m surprised you were able to recognize me so quickly,” Natalie says; her voice just as silvery and pleasant as I remember. ­

How can I not? I would be able to recognize her voice in a loud, crowded room despite how long it has been since I’ve heard it. No. Stop it, Ashton.

“Ashton?” she calls. “Are you there?”

My voice is tight and I stutter, “Y-yeah, I’m here.”

I can hear her exhale slowly as she sighs. “You’re probably wondering why I called you out of the blue.” You’re damn right I am. “My mum told me that Luke tried to get a hold of me to ask about the wedding,” she pauses for a moment. “And I got your RSVP in the mail today…”

“Oh,” is all I can manage to say.

“I didn’t think you were going to come.”

Neither did I but I chose to anyway. “Yeah.”

She laughs lightly, and it takes a deep breath and all my will power to force the lovely sound out of my head. “That’s all I get?” she says jokingly. “C’mon, Ash, give me more than just one-worded responses. I would have thought you’d have more to say than just “oh,” and “yeah,” after two years of zero contact.”

How does she not realize that there’s a reason for my single syllable replies? I’m confused out of my fucking mind and I can’t determine whether or not I’m angry, upset, or a combination of all emotions known to man. I need to calm down. I can’t let her affect me.

“Sorry,” I start, “it’s just-”

“It’s just that you’re uncomfortable talking to me, right?” Natalie finishes my sentence for me, taking the words straight out of my mouth. I hate how well she still knows me. “I get it, Ash; really, I do. After what happened-” I interrupt her before she can say another word.

“Don’t,” I state roughly. “Just…don’t.” I loosen my grip from the chair and drag my hand down my face. I don’t want her to mention anything about what happened. She knows what happened, I know what happened; we don’t need a recap.

My head snaps in the direction of the sound of bare feet walking across the tile in the kitchen and into the dining room where I find Emilia peeking behind the threshold. Just seeing her face creates a wave of relief that washes over me; swallowing almost all my nerves.  

“Hold on,” I whisper quickly into the phone.

“Are you okay,” Emilia whispers. “Who’s calling?”

I move the phone away from my ear and cover the mouthpiece with my hand before standing face-to-face with Emilia. “It’s just my mum,” I whisper back. God, I hate myself for lying. I shouldn’t have to lie to her. She can help me. She’s the only one who can. “She needs help with some financial stuff. She’s not very good with math so I’m just helping her figure things out. Go watch the movie—I’ll be there soon.”