All the memories of what could have been...

My "room"

This party was unbearable. I felt like an outsider with baggy sweat pants and t-shirt when all the guest were wearing designer clothes, most are wearing causal dresses with handmade mini shoulders bags. But the thing that make it feel worst is sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt is my usual outfit for a normal day. Really who would want to wear fancy "day dresses" as your "go-to outfit". Everyone is in the kitchen making conversation with my mother or in the dining room gossiping about the other people here. I have to say my mother did decorate the penthouse pretty well. The kitchen was decorated with marble countertops and everything was unbelievably clean, the gray appliances matched the off-white colors perfectly. This penthouse was nothing like how my dads house is decorated. My dads house was a good sized house for him and I, but the only decorations we had out were pictures and his casual work trash laying around almost everywhere. He works as a house realtor and he is always working, most of the time i have to make myself dinner, lunch, and breakfast. And  yes, my dad isn't there for breakfast because his office is like his second home. He is just trying to provide for me and I love him for it but pizza Friday doesn't create a good father-daughter bond. My mother she owns a clothing store and it's filled with all expensive stuff  but she does make the designs so that's why she started it, her designs are actual good for a rich person. It would be extremely rare to see my mother in her store because she is always at parties, book clubs or something other than having a normal day at her amazing house. I don't know why I would even be sent here if I didn't have adult supervision. My mother walks through the big group of girls and goes towards me. "Hi joey, everyone is saying how much of a sweet girl you are. I am so proud of you for being nice to our guest. Did you eat anything?" my mother asked. "Yes the food is really good." My reply makes my mother smile but after that there was a silence that was so awkward. I didn't want her to think that I was trying to not to talk to her so I said "I'm a little nervous to go to school..." my mother looks up with joy that I'm telling her things. "My friend Diana said that her girls just finished up at the high school where you are going to and her girls had the best time. They are very nice and Diana's girls were never home because they were always with there girlfriends." She was talking a little fastest then normal because it seem she was excited to say that I was going to have a great school year. My mothers words didn't relieve me at all and Diana's girls were most likely popular but I'm just done with my mother's rich friends. "I think I'm going to head upstairs and unpack my stuff" I said and my mother nodded "do you remember where your room is?" she asked, that question I really had to think about. I forgot but I pretend to remember. "Yeah..." my words were confused but now I'm halfway up the stairs impatiently waiting for her to say good night and she did. "Goodnight!" my mother spoke and upstairs all the memories came flashing back it's like I was gain half of my life back. I remember the fight, the first time I walked up these stairs, and walking down them to stacks of presents on christmas morning. My room was the door to the right and at first I was hesitant to turn the knob, didn't realize how much weight I put on the door handle and it opened just a crack and then I opened the rest of door open but to my surprise it wasn't like the bedroom I had during Christmas time 4 years ago. The curtains turned to a dusty pink and then to a navy blue color. The bedspread was a lighter blue color than the curtains but the little flowers that once roamed around in different colors on my bed were non-existent. That childish stuff were now gone because now blue was packed in every cloth and empty space in my "room". The deja vu was indescribable but so light on my mind because I had finally accepted the memories of that Christmas 4 years ago. I decided to unpack my suitcase that was filled with t-shirts, hoodies, leggings, sweaters, sweat pants, and jeans. My mother had got me everything I needed in my bathroom. The bathroom was white like white-white too much of the same color but at least the towels were a washed out gray. I put the picture of my dad and I on my bedside table that had a bouquet of flowers, it was kind of the flowers in the shop that I saw on the way to my mothers house. My phone had one massage from my dad that said "Hi Joey, your mom said that you made it to her house (you're going to have to call me and tell me how nice it is) but anyway the house is the lonely without you. Miss you joey -love, dad" I responded with "Hey dad the flight was good and I got a "warm" welcome by mothers friends. I miss you so much! Tell luna I said hi." Luna is our dog who is crazy I'm not such how she is going to take me not being there. I sat down on the bed and thought on my 10 hour flight I got no sleep so I was very tired. But it was weird being back in the Paris. I really never thought I would be back but I'm here it's not a dream that I can just wake up from. And the one thing I haven't thought of all night twisted it's way into my mind. The guy. The guy who I saw walking pass the crowd but I'll never know who he is and I'm not sure I'm ok with that.