Forever and Always

Four

I stood in the nursery cradling Hazel to my chest. She was still awake and it was nice to just have a moment with my daughter. She had a pacifier in her mouth while she laid her lead on my chest. I was softly rocking back and forth while looking out the window and onto our land.

I looked down at her and couldn't help but feel this pit in my stomach. I missed Connor. I really did, but I can't just let him back in my life after how bad he hurt me. Especially since I have Hazel now and he'd just end up leaving again in a few months.

I wish that everything was different. Maybe if I had tried harder, he would have stayed with me and not left to join the military. He didn't even talk to me about it before hand, he just packed his bags and told me the morning he was leaving. And to top it all off, it was the day after he had given me the most amazing night of my life. I thought that night meant something special and now I come to realize it was just another stupid goodbye.

The only good thing that came out of that night was Hazel. I mean, if it wasn't for her I truly wouldn't be as mentally stable as I am now. The only reason I ate after he left was because I was pregnant with her and the only reason I made sure my body was healthy was for her. And even then, she was born pre mature. She's very small for a her age even though she's still young. She was born a few weeks early and I'm thankful that she made a healthy recovery.

"Mama." I looked down at Hazel and felt my eyes well up. I smiled wide as she said her first word.

"That's right baby." I laughed happily. "I'm mama."

She gave me a tired smile before closing her eyes and laying her head back on my chest. I pressed my lips to the top of her head and let them rest there.

"I love you so much Hazel."

- - -

When I woke up the next morning I was laying on the futon in Hazel's nursery with her laying on my chest. She was sound asleep and I realized how early in the morning it is.

I stood up and laid her in her crib so she could sleep in. I walked out of her room and decided to go downstairs and eat something. I ran a hand through my hair as I grabbed a juice from the fridge. I heard a door upstairs open, meaning that my mom was awake.

"Good morning honey." she yawned as she walked into the kitchen. I smiled at her and took a bite out of my bagel. I started making a bottle for Hazel and grabbed the yogurt puffs from the pantry.

"I heard Connor's back in town." my mom spoke. I let out a huff of frustration and put Hazels stuff on the counter.

"He is." I nodded without turning around.

"Have you talked to him?" she asked.

"I've seen him and he's tried to talk to me. He showed up at Tommy's and then he was there when Miley and I were at Olivia's house." I said. "I just don't even want to look at him."

"Well I just want you to be smart about this." she started. "I don't want you getting hurt again. If you do end up talking to him again then please just make the responsible decision."

"I know mom." I sighed. " But don't you think Hazel deserves to have a father?"

"Not if he's just gonna leave again. Honey, ultimately it's up to you. She's your daughter and you've been raising her for the past nine months because he left. You can let him meet her maybe, but please don't let him hurt you again."

"I love you mom." I pulled her into a hug.

"I love you too." she smiled.
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