Agent Blue

Thirteen

When Lance woke up the next day, he felt the weight on his chest, the hole that always settled on his heart every year today. He spent hours laying on his back, staring blankly up at the ceiling. He was not a crier, he hated crying, the stinging of the eyes, the raw skin as you wiped away the salty water. He hated feeling that way, so most of the time he cut it off. Even today, he refused to cry. The last time he truly cried was 10 years ago when everything happened, after that his pain turned to anger, and his emotions brought on through loss were cut from his body. 

Zeno knew to give Lance some time in the morning, but once the clock struck 10:00 A.M, he decided that was enough and directed Keith to go check on him. He knew Lance wouldn't want him there, as he was an agent too, but Keith was perfect. There wasn't mistaking it, how Lance opened up to Keith more recently, or the smiles they'd share with each other while talking. Zeno was Lance's partner for long enough to know when Lance was flirting, and he knew they'd make a cute couple. 

Keith knocked gently on the door, not knowing what he was going to see beyond the wall. 

"Lance?" He called out, hearing nothing on the other side. He checked the door handle, watching as it turned effortlessly. "Lance, I'm coming in," He warned. 

Inside he saw a completely empty room, the only thing inside being a bed and a dresser. There was a mirror hanging on the wall too, but nothing that showed that anyone actually lived in here. 

Blankets were strewn across the bed, folds falling off the side as Lance lay askew. He didn't move as Keith stepped further into the room, his breathing remaining steady, and his eyes never moving. 

"Lance, are you ok?" Keith asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. Lance's eyes snapped to him, the rest of his body remaining perfectly still. It was like something out of a horror movie, Keith decided. How the bright bubbly character that was always in control now looked half dead and possessed. 

"Can you talk to me?" Keith continued, reaching out and resting a hand on Lance's ankle, giving it a comforting squeeze to remind Lance that he was here. 

"What is there to say?" Lance asked, his voice emotionless and bland. Keith remained silent. "What has Zeno said about today?" Lance sighed, grunting as he sat up and propped himself against the bedframe. 

"Well, you said you lost your brother and trainer today, and that this was the first time you killed a person," Keith started. 

"My brother was my trainer, and I killed him," Lance said it so simply, so easily, like it was no problem at all. Keith froze at the words, not expecting it. 

"What do you mean?" Keith questioned, not wanting to pry, but Lance was talking and he didn't want him to stop. 

"I was still a peer, my brother took me to Yenson, the agriculture planet, as a field trip. I thought we were going to learn more about their lifestyle, but when he pulled a gun and shot 5 innocent farmers I realized that wasn't the case," Lance looked down at this lap. It was silent for a minute while Keith gave Lance the opportunity to keep talking. 

"He said they were a worthless species anyway, and that this would be something I had to get used to if I wanted to be an agent. He was the rank 10 general at the time. He worked alongside Iverson and Adam, but only Adam knew what he was really like. He wanted me to become like him, he was showing me the 'hardships' of the job so I was prepared. I still remember how the Yenson cried as he aimed the gun at them again," Lance's fists clenched tightly, his teeth grinding together. 

"I acted without thinking. As a peer, I was given a pistol since that was what I was practicing with at the time and shot my brother 5 times in the chest before he could kill anyone else. He had just enough time to give me a shocked look before he crumbled to the ground. I gave my full report to Iverson, he helped me come up with a story. I was only 10, and I didn't want my brother painted in that kind of light. So he helped me change my story, we told everyone that he fell while helping to take down a mass killer that killed 5 people before him. He has his name on the hero board, and my family all think he died honorably," Lance finished.