My Husbands of my Past Lives

Single as a Pringle

"Honey, why are you home so late again?" My mom asked with concern, probably seeing the dark bags under my eyes.

It was just nine in the evening when I got home, but the concerned tone in her voice made me feel a tad bit guilty.

"Sorry mom, I got too wrapped up in work! My company just launched the latest cancer series model! It's the newest model since the founder made it almost a century ago!" I gushed. I didn't know why, but I was always so excited to talk about the company I worked for.

"Honey, wasn't Aster Diagnostics created by the founder because of his love for his novelist wife?" Mom started, her tone starting to harden. I gulped. I knew there was a lecture about to ensue. "If you are the Marketing team leader, then you should follow your company's foundation of love."

"Ugh..." I quickly took my shoes off at the foyer, trying to busy my ears with everything but my mom's nagging.

"You should learn to love yourself more and the people around you. And by doing that, you must make time for them."

"Yes, yes, I understand," I said distractedly. My mom shook her head as if saying 'what am I going to do with you'.

Some might wonder, why was I still living with my parents at this age?

I didn't have a boyfriend I could live with, and our family house was right in the city, just a ten minute commute towards my workplace. Why do some people bother with independence, when you can save money by splitting expenses, and be with your family? Not to mention, getting free meals. I just LOVE my mother's kimchi.

"Soyun is here, by the way. She's been waiting for you to come home since six in the evening. You promised her you'd be helping her with her wedding plans, have you forgotten?" my mom said reproachfully.

"Fuck! I forgot!" I slapped myself on the forehead.

"Lina, watch your mouth!" my mom scolded, and I quickly shut my trap after feeling like a disobedient teenager.

"Sorry!"

I quickly went inside the living room to discover my best friend Soyun asleep on the couch.

"Oh my, I told her to just wait and sleep on your bed, but she insisted on staying in the living room," my mom shook her head after following me in. "Well, I'll be off to bed now. You know how your father can't sleep without me snuggled up next to him." She laughed, kissed my forehead and went upstairs.

When I was younger, I used to disdain my parents' lovey-dovey acts in front of me. It felt so yucky to me, and I would often roll my eyes at them.

Who needed love anyway?

I could get by with life without romantic love. After the many failed attempts at a serious, loving and strong relationship, I practically discarded any notion of finding "The One"; that one man who fits you like a jigsaw puzzle. My own personal motto was, "Why settle for less than what you deserve?" Why settle for a guy who just makes you feel so meh all the time? I might be approaching the frightening 3-0, but that didn't mean I could just settle for anyone, just because Asian society up until now, deemed it appropriate for women to be married and have children at this age.

But every time I see my dad feeding my mom her favorite strawberry cake, looking absolutely in love with her despite the deep wrinkles on both of their faces, I would feel a pang in my chest. When was I going to find a man who loved me like that? A man who would hug me, squeeze the rolls of fat on my tummy, yet declare with sincerity and with an infatuated tone, that I was the most beautiful in his eyes? Were there still men like that who were available?? They all seemed to have been snatched up, ready to leave the bachelor life behind.

I could say that I didn't need love to have a happy life, but it was also true that I wanted love in my life. It was a paradox that only single women who have been single for a long time (such as myself), could relate to. I could do without a man, honestly. But I wanted a man who would love me as much as I would love him. It was as simple as that. It's all an honest preference, and it was my preference to find a man who would understand and love me for who I was. Being in a relationship isn't essential. It's more like an add-on to life. And I love add-ons.

It seemed many people were lucky with their love lives, except for me. God probably sprinkled luck on everyone else on the line to rebirth, but realized he ran out of that love dust when he reached me in the queue. What a bummer.

I sat beside the sleeping Soyun on the couch. I didn't want to wake her up. She must be exhausted from all the wedding plans churning in her head.

Soyun was one of the lucky girls bestowed with true love at an early age. Soyun and I were best friends since middle school. She was a sweet, motherly woman with a heart of gold. Sometimes I felt like I was the evil one, and the one tainting her with my bad temper and foul mouth. But I guess her aura of goodness could never be tainted, and she's the one helping me manage my obscenities.

When we entered high school, that was when Soyun met Chunho. It was love at first sight for the both of them, and they quickly became a campus couple. And I, of course, quickly became a third wheel.

It wasn't so bad, actually. We functioned as a trio, and Chunho felt more like a guardian for the both of us. He was the perfect example of a 'Knight in Shining Armor', and he would diligently look after Soyun like her very own Knight. This should've made me envious...but I wasn't. I was honestly happy for Soyun who found the perfect gentleman who loved her to the fullest.

While Chunho treated Soyun like his princess, he treated me like a child who needed to be kept under his wing. He would always remind me of the dangers of being alone at night, and how men besides himself, were predators in general. Despite the advancements in technology that dropped crime rates in the past century, he still didn't believe that other men were as good-hearted as he was. He had always ranted to me about my exes, and perhaps his judgement of those men were true. Because my exes were shit.

I buried myself deeper into the leather couch, and prayed, "Oh god, goddesses, deities, or superior beings of the mortal worlds, please give me a sign, and help me find my destined one."

I ended up smacking myself for this outrageous behavior. Are those beings even real? And if they were, would they even listen to my plea of finding my soulmate when there were tons of people in this world who were dying? If wishes were ranked by importance, my request would probably be at the bottom.

I sighed, feeling lonelier than ever. Sure, I was at the peak of success; I worked for the most influential medical company in the world, and got a senior position. I was a sexy, beautiful woman—okay, maybe both are an exaggeration to perpetuate my gargantuan ego, but with proper makeup application, I could pass off as above average.

And lastly, I had a great personality!

...

Okay, well, perhaps I wasn't that great, but I liked to think I had a great sense of humor! I wasn't the kindest person out there, but I try to be kind. I had a bad temper, but I try to reign it in, and think before I speak. And personally, I think I've been doing a great job!

So why was there no man in my life, despite all these good things about me? Maybe I hadn't really put myself out there? Did I have to put up a billboard of my face with a criteria of a man I wanted with a tagline: "Call this number now if you fit the bill!" ? How did dating work again? I felt like I was growing molds all over my body.

I sighed again, and grabbed a spare blanket from the guest room, to drape over Soyun's sleeping form.

Instead of sleeping, I decided to search for wedding decorations on my transparent tablet. It was easier to look for images by saying keywords, but Soyun was sleeping, and I didn't want to wake her up, so I did the old-fashioned way of typing on the holographic keyboard.

After I finished making folders of the different color schemes and themes, I decided to just lay on the other sofa, and sleep.