I'm going to be honest with you guys. Today hasn't been a good day. I've just been feeling empty I guess? Like since maybe the middle of the day I've been feeling down and didn't know how to focus, and overall didn't have motivation to do anything. Earlier in the day I was happy, motivated, and was smiling, but then out of nowhere I felt like my body turned off and all I knew how to do was sit and stare at a wall. Even when I tried to do my school work I just couldn't even start a sentence then I started crying because I was so stressed. I had my sister do my work for me. It got worse as I texted my friends but I don't know why. They were annoying me and stressing me out for no reason, and I felt like (and still do) they don't really like me, and think that I don't like them.
One of my best friends already thinks I hate her because I was 'picking fights with her' but I really wasn't. I was just being my normal self and it made me upset to know that she thinks that. I guess that's how my feelings right now started. And during mine and my friends' conversation they were saying that I was being mean by saying some things but I was just being me. And also, just now I realized that whenever my friends say something mean no one says anything, only when I say something that's not even mean.
Just thinking about everything makes me want to cry and I don't feel like doing that tonight, even though that's what will probably happen if I keep thinking and writing about what this.
Also my I feel like my friends don't even listen to me sometimes. I said something to them and they took it in a whole other direction. And they said that I made a mistake even though I explained to them what I meant. Something that makes me even more upset is that no one wants to text me. I have to text in our group chat for them to text me. Even if I text them first they don't respond. I've even been thinking if I should consider them as my friends. I've known these people for 5+ years of my life and they know a lot of things about me but they still don't know how I like to act and what my personality is like.
I swear my friends think that there is only people with good personalities in world because whenever someone does something 'mean' then they always think it's rude even if that's how those people act if that makes sense. Not trying to sound rude to my friends but just because you're always acting nice doesn't mean that's how other people are.
I'm going to stop my vent here because if I keep going then this will be longer than chapters in my books. I just needed to get this off of my chest. I would tell my friends about how I'm feeling but I feel like they would just judge me and not take me seriously at all. I know that you guys won't judge me and I'm extremely grateful for that.
Now of you excuse me I need to go cry
