The Story Of My Life

Gender-Free

Tired, she let it go, she closed her eyes sitting by the lake's side.

She is seventeen, just dumped the first boy who ever asked her out, he called her mean. She let it slide, she thought to herself, things like this happens worldwide. There was still something stuck in her mind, which didn't seem to be normal, but this was her new normal. She thought back and again to try to convince herself in order to fit the draft the world chose for her facade. She hated herself for being like this. 

Only yesterday she was happy, normal, she was out partying with her friends, watching a movie which finally made all the denials reach their ends. The realisation hit yesterday when she was the only one swooning over the actress, and all her girl friends were rambling about the hot handsome hunk of a man all on to impress.

She'd had those moments before, but she always denied, lied, cried and made her eyes sore. Once, she started having dreams about Jennifer Aniston, first she thought it was just her obsession with FRIENDS, but turns out it was her infatuation which got her mind burn. She stopped her brain, before it could wander, she thought it better to turn vain. She hid behind a face nobody knew, not knowing what she's out to pursue. 

Distanced, lost her friends and lost those conversations she used to share with her family, just trying not to let out the news, above all she knew she was losing herself while running this muse.

For years she's been doing this, dragging through the so called "normal" life, not letting a silver lining of her pain slip. She feared it all, the judgements and the cat-calls. She wanted to run away, leaving behind her indecisive life, the messes she handles everyday, and her mother telling her she needs to prepare for being a good wife. She has been tired of keeping this secret, but then again overanalyzing the reactions this would obtain.

Now that she sits here, done with her hiding, she neither feels shame nor any kind of pain. She feels relieved, now that the cat is out, she did not care for what others will say, but for the freedom of her heart to sway. Now she did not need to hide herself, or to play a facade, she can be who she always was, freer than she ever felt.

She has been controlling her heart from ringing, her defenses fell down when she came barging in. She broke her walls down, one by one, and gave her a chance to come undone. She fell and fell from the Everest, it was unstoppable and now someone else was holding her heart's reins. 

She was the reason, she came out, told her parents and all her leftover friends. She was surprised, they didn't hate her as she expected, but we're so truthfully happy to see her real smile after what felt like a lifetime. She cried and cried a lot, she let her emotions flow, also amazed how everything changed in one blow.

She's thirty but now it feels like she was getting a rebirth, this was a new shade of herself, the shade in which she accepts herself, in which she embraces what she is, in which she won't let her love cease. Uptill now she was everything, the independent woman, everyone adored and appreciated, now she is the one who got herself truly accepted. She is a warrior now, she is ready to fight and to deal with all the hurdles, for herself and her love, she says, "She has already experienced worse."

A movement to her left, caused her eyes to open up, her true wide smile stretched over her lips. Their hands intertwined, she relieved a sigh, this is her happening truth, one she could call "my". It was frightening for her to love still she sailed the sea, she didn't allow the world to let her down, just because her love was Gender-Free.

****

Personally, being a LGBTQ ally, I believe love is love and everyone deserves it. Also, I think, self-acceptance is the biggest war we are led to fight, because here we fight ourself and not others. To accept oneself truly is not as easy as it seems. These are the battles many out there fight everyday. To those who won, you won at life, and those who are still fighting, keep up. Have faith in yourself and spread love.

Yeah, and I wasn't quite sure how this came out, so if in any kind this feels inappropriate to anyone out there just lemme know I will take it down. 

Love,

K.