The Story Of My Life

That Night Of The Last Week

You pierce my soul, I am half agony, half hope.
I have love none but you.
- Jane Austen.

****

"Oh really??? Again?"

"You were starstruck when they entered the room, right? Your heartbeat fastened, that fist-sized bundle of muscles to the left of your chest sent the message that it was about to explode, you felt like suddenly god obliviated everything from the face of the earth except you and them. Then a wind blows by, soft, smooth, and wonderfully refreshening, their hair ruffled due to wind creating a sight desired by the sore eyes, no one ever looked so perfect, then you notice that the wind brought with it music, solemn music, like violins playing in the background, you both are standing in the middle of nowhere, nothing to be seen but the endless meadows, the buds blooming to life to celebrate this occasion and only you and them. They smile looking at you and a sound of thousand choir bells fills the air notifying that thissss...... is the one. So? Is that what happened? 'Cause if yes, then sorry, bud, but it's not love. Don't fool yourself."

And here everyone meet my sooo exaggerating yet beloved best friend aka my love guru, Kiara. This rambling of hers started the minute I walked in the cafe grinning like an idiot, and she asked, "What's new with you today? All smiley?" to which I replied "I think I'm in love." She's always been like this, strong yet tender, fire with calm, bold but polite where she thinks she should be, and excessively possessive for me, atleast since the time I first met her. Quite honestly I can't blame her for the way she's with me, She's seen me being fooled many a times.

I also can't blame her for descibing me as "most pliable, dumbest, and the softest person that ever walked earth." I admit I am a softie, though it's not something I feel bad about, not anymore. Thanks to Kiara that I have been able to accept this side of me, which once I despised. She has saved me, I-can't-even-remember-how-many-times times. Saved me in the sense, from bullies in the college and from all those girls who said to love me and instead loved my father's bank account.

Kiara, she is different would be an understatement, she is quite literally antithesis to me in every way possible. She's bold, activist type and a person with the biggest heart. Nothing seems to deter her, I wish I had half of the confidence she has.

"You done?" I ask after she's done with her over-dramatic ass. "Firstly, Nothing like that happened. Secondly, now that we're on the topic why don't you tell me what really happens, Miss Love Guru."

"Honestly, I don't even know, I am just definite however it happens, it certainly don't include some cheesy hypothetical bollywood drama. And i think you should ask someone who's experienced it."

"Yet...." I said wanting her to speak about it.

"Other than that as they say in books, Love" her voice grew softer, "......it just ..... happens. It doesn't need some metaphorical notifications to show its presence or time-to-time alarms to remind its existence. From what I know about love, it bring changes, changes which makes you perfect, not for the world, but for your lover. It makes you put efforts, which you'd normally not do. It gives rise to a new perspective in you, to look at things, people, or world in general in a way you never viewed before. It makes you feel secure,...... safe and that you're home."

She ended with a sigh. "For more information, as I reckon you talk to somone already in love, I actually am no one to talk to, Mr. I-am-newly-damned." With that she stands up and exits the cafe for her class. I am left behind, as Kiara would say, AWESTRUCK.

I just watch her walking out, away from me, and sense a renewed emotion slipping in me. I have liked her, always, in a way I am unable to confess to her. I never realised when she became my ideal, her character, her persona, everything, only now I realize I have been devoted to her for what she is, a wonder, I look up to her for almost everything.

I am no kiara to be good in explaining things, I just know what I am feeling right now is beyond my comprehension, something very strong. The feeling which was bubbling in my gut since last week was like an amber, which somehow is now ignited into a blazzing fire, it's burning me in the best way.

I knew something changed last week after all those things which passed between us, but this? Had she even noticed how I reacted to everything that happened that night of last week? Had she felt the way I did? Had she known of this crazy heart doing somersaults being so close to her? Would she like it if she knew how it changed the way I look at her? Would she even want to be friends with him after that? Even if she doesn't want to be around me anymore I will still cherish all those moments.

This feeling is overwhelming. At first, I thought it was just a crush and maybe I deciphered things wrong. I thought it'd all pass away in time. But no. It is sticking to my skin like a leech and I can't get rid of it. I don't even know if I want to get out of this feeling. It makes me be at my best, to become deserving of her, of her love.... I wonder if I can get over this.

Everytime she talked about anyone like that classmate of ours, Ken, who has that bad boy personality, or about her favorite boy band, or baout that youtuber she likes, or of that gamer she follows, I-I just feel something burning in my chest, they name it as "Jealousy".

Why? I am nothing more than a friend to her and how can I tell her all what she's to me?

What now? What should I do? Keeping truth from her is as bad as lying, and lying to her is betrayal in itself. Thousands of words are still unspoken, and I am afraid for it to stay the same.

She's been my guide, my mentor, my best friend, even my love guru, but how am I supposed to ask her to be my lover?

UGHHHHH!!, my insides were screaming with questions which made me frustrated, and there's only one way to get the answers, to ask her.... Never before there had been any questions when it came to kiara and me but now I am drowing in them.

Getting up with determination and albeit some fear succumbed by anticipation of her answer I move out of the canteen, just one thing in my thoughts, that if anything goes wrong then, Fuck that night of the last week.

****

When you smile at them like that,
When I see that glint in your eyes,
I feel things I hide from thee,
It just makes me doubt my intent,
Would I be fortunate enough,
To see that spark ignited by me.

****

Bloody hell!

Another short story. I have got more plans and ideas on short stories and I'll be updating a lot more and soon. Hope you all like this one and the other on the way.

Love,

K.