Needs and Wants (Law of Attraction Series # 5)

Chapter 58

"Iuwi mo na ako," Mahina kong bulong ng tuluyan na akong tumigil sa pag iyak pagkatapos ng isang oras, I finally calm down but still my body feels so numb to that point that I don't really feel the pain that mg wound brought...

"Ok," Vito said and stand up, inalalayan niya akong tumayo palabas ng impyernong lugar na iyon. Bumiyahe kami pauwi ng Zambales dahil gusto kong umuwi doon...

Gusto kong mag isip, after an hour we arrived in front of the house. Where my peace belongs, "Sigurado ka bang ok ka lang mag-isa dito?" puno ng pag-aalala nitong sambit. Tinanggal ko ang seat belt sa aking katawan bago siya hinarap..

"Ok lang ako," I said and opened the door of his car, "Babalik ako dito bukas," he said, I just looked at him and nodded before I stepped out of his car and closed the door of the passenger seat.

Naglakad ako papasok sa bahay at agad dumiretso sa kwarto, umupo ako sa dulo ng kama pinagmasdan ang buong paligid, puno ng masasayang alaala ang bawat sulok ng bahay na ito, tila wala kaming problema pero...

Panong humantong sa ganito? Slowly look down on my hand where I'm wearing our wedding ring, and again tears started to fall again, I didn't think that we would fall like this...

I lay down on the bed and slowly hugged my knees as I closed my eyes and tried to forget the pain of what I saw and what happened...

I just wish that it was all a funny dream, I want to sleep and wake up tomorrow with him by my side...

I stayed like that for an hour and tried my best to sleep but I can't sleep because every time I try to clear my mind the picture of them flashed on my mind and keep making me in pain...

Until I heard his car outside the house, he's here, I slowly sat and waited for him here inside our room. And as the door opened, I slowly lifted my head and our eyes met...

Hinihingal itong tumayo ng maayos sa harapan ng pinto, I saw how his jaw clenched as he stared at me and saw all the pain in my eyes. "Lana," he whispered my name like it was the last word that he wanted to say all his life.

I want to believe it but I can't, because I know it's not...

Nakatulala lang ako habang nagsimula siyang lumapit sa akin at lumuhod sa aking harapan, he held my hands and gently caress it like he always do.. "Let me explain," he whispers.

"Explain, makikinig ako," mahina kong sambit at tinignan siya ng buong puso, ayaw kong hindi pakinggan ang sasabihin niya dahil ayaw kong pagsisihan na hindi ko ginawa ito pag nakapagdesisyon na ako...

"Valerie and I had this long time relationship...since we were 18 and seeing her again suddenly brings back time. I know I wasn't thinking and again I played with her little games. I never thought that it would end up like this," he said...

Hindi makapaniwala ko siyang tinignan, "Alam mong mali pero ginawa mo parin? Alam mong maaaring mangyari ito pero ginawa mo parin! Bakit Kento?" tanong ko habang nagsisimula na namang kumirot ang aking puso at tila pinipiga ito ng sorang sakit.

He shook his head and whispered, "I don't know," that's so unreasonable! Sobrang walang kwenta!!! Nagsimulang mamuo muli ang galit sa aking puso...

"Anong hindi mo alam?! Kento niloko mo ako!!! Ano! isang kalabit lang pala ng babaeng iyon bibigay kana!! Tangina Kento ang tagal mo akong pinaniwala na hinding hindi mo sa akin magagawa ng mga ganitong bagay!!pero ito ka! Tangina, ginawa mo!!!" I pulled my hands away from him and started hitting him. But he just remained his head down...

"Ang gago mo!!! Tangina kayo!! Ang dudugyot nyo at talagang doon pa sa penthouse mo!! Kaya ba ayaw mong bumalik tayo doon noong sinasabi ko na doon nalang tayo tumira para hindi ka mahirapan dahil pala nireserve mo para sa pag uwi ng babaeng yon!!!! Ano masarap ba ah!!!!" I push him, I punch him, I hit him, I slap him but the pain just goes back to me... everything just kills me with pain.

"Tuwing ba nagpapaalam kang may problema sa putanginang bar na'yan sa kama ba kayo tumutuloy ah!! Ano, umamin ka, ganon ba 'yon ah Kento!!!" I said and forced him to face me, when our eyes met, I can't ready what his eyes wants to say.

Parang tumigil sa pagtulo ang aking mga luha ng makita ang kanyang mga mata, I feel so defeated, I want to fight but I can't anymore.

I want to have hope for the both of us but his eyes tell me that I can't anymore.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and avoided my gaze. "Mahal mo pa ba ako?" tanong ko patagong kumapit sa aking palda upang kumuha ng lakas at upang hindi bumigay, dahil kanina pa tuluyang bumigay ang puso ko pinipilit ko na lang na ipakita na kaya ko pa...

Pero sa totoo lang ayaw ko na....sobrang sakit na....

"Lana.. they said that you should go home to the person you love, you should sleep with the person you love, you should enjoy eating with the person you love....but this past few days...I don't know, maybe all of that just became my duty... that I need to go home because you're here, I need to sleep with you because your sleeping, I need to eat with you because you're my wife, Lana everything just became a duty and I don't enjoy it anymore." what he said made me stop...

And all the tears that stopped a while ago, rush down my face...

"Lana, I love you," he whispered but that just made me drown in pain, thinking that him saying I love you to me was just his duty because he's my husband...

"Pati ba 'yang I love you mo ay duty na lang? Bakit hindi mo sinabi? Bakit hindi mo sinabi na wala na palang sparks sa ating dalawa? Bakit parang nagmukhang tanga akong naniniwala na ok lang tayo, na masaya tayo, bakit hindi mo sinabi? Kasi Kento ang pagibig hindi ito puro saya lang at excitement lang, hindi ito parang laro na pag hindi kana natutuwa ay aayawan mo na! Sana inalam mo muna 'yon kasi... tangina hindi ganito 'yon!" Umiling iling ako bago yumuko at tuluyang lumuha sa sakit...

"Hindi ganito yon, Kento!!!" I said before I stood up and faced him, "Hindi ganito yon," I walked towards the walk-in closet grabbed a big bag, and put all my things there...

Nagimpake ako at lahat iyon ay nilagay sa tabi ng pinto, naabutan ko siyang naka upo sa kama habang nakayuko at nakatakip ang mukha.

"Aalis ako bukas," buong lakas kong sambit bago naglakad papalapit sa kabilang side ng kama, "Matutulog na ako," sambit ko at humiga dito bago binalot ang aking sarili ng kumot at tinalikuran siya...

"Hindi mo na kailangan matulog sa tabi ko ngayong gabi, umalis ka nalang... wag kang mag-alala aalis na rin ako bukas hindi mo na kailangan pilitin ang sarili mong gawin lahat ng bagay ito... hindi mo na kailangang magpanggap," I whisper before I close my eyes....

Narinig ko ang pagbuntong hininga niya at naramdaman ang pagtayo niya dahil sa paggalaw ng kama, Alam kong nakatingin siya sa akin sa puntong ito kaya mas pinangigihan ko ang pagpapanggap na natutulog na ako...

Hanggang sa suminga muli siya ng malalim bago nagsimulang naglakad palabas ng kwarto. At narinig ko na lang ang pag alis ng sasakyan nito sa labas ng bahay...

And again, I cry again...

I cover my face with my trembling hands and cry all out...

"This was more painful than I expected."