I will burn for you

And in the beginng.....

Her first year in America is now officially over.
She should feel better, the guilt should have lessened and she should have become a better person.
Stronger.
Wiser.
She isn't and the guilt is there all the same.

Some days she wonders why she even continues to live.
Why bother if so many peoplehate you?
Why bother living if all you feel is pain?
Why continue breathing if every breath feels impossible?

If she taken her life before she had become Darquesse and killed thousand of innocent people, she could have saved them.
Her life in exchange for so many others.

I could have saved them.
I should have saved them.

But now it I too late and she can't give up.
Not only because she already has gotten so far, but mostly because giving up would be easy.
It would be unfair to kill all these people only to kill herself later.
And of course she can't do that to her family.
Not after she killed her sister.

The whining sound Xena makes when she walks over to Valkyrie brings her back to live.
With a sigh she gets up and pets her shepherd dog who in return stars wagging her tail.

,,Let's get you some food."mutters Valkyrie and walks into the kitchen, like a Zombie or a machine.
Somehow it isn't really her that takes the dog food out of the drawer and puts some into Xenas bowl.
Her body moves like a robot, while she is far, far away with her thoughts.

All she can think about, is how much if a coward she is.
So many people dead and that just because of her.

,,Stopp pitying yourself, you can't change the past."echos Tanith voice trough her head.
The one and only time Tanith visited her in America she had a lot of thinghs to say.
Most of then involved ,,Stopp wasting your live."
,,I swear if you look once more guilty...."

In return Valkyrie had asked Tanith about her life and most off all, about Ghastly.
That thankfully had shut Tanith effectively up.

,,He's recovering well from his wounds.", they both knew that she meant the physical wounds.
The wound in his back were Erskine had literally had stebbed him in the back.
The other wounds that you couldn't see were another matter altogether......

Still, Valkyrie had no intention to put her nose into someone else business.
All the same she had some other questions she wanted to ask.

,,Are you finally dating?"

As soon as the question was spoken Tanith frowned and sighed.
Not the reaction Valkyrie had imagined or hoped for.

,,Sort of."replied Tanoth sounding rather unhappy.
But in this case no question Valkyrie asked would loosen her tongue.
Not even when the alcohol became involved Tanith would disclose anythingh.

At least she is sort of dating.

Moving to America hadn't really improved her dating life.
Not the slightested.
There had been a guy who had been pretty cute....
But that had been all he was.
Cute.
When it came to personally the guy had at first appeared niece, but in the end he had turned out to be a possessive, arrogant  boyfriend who ignored her.
After a week she had been fed up with him and dumped him again.

Only two weeks later she met the girl who became her girlfriend another week later.
That relationship worked a littel longer until they eventually discovered that they were just at different points off their life.
Whatever that meant.

All in all Valkyrie had been glad to end I with her girlfriend, not because she wasn't a good girlfriend or because she was unhappy.
But she couldn't and would never be able to tell her why she felt so guilt or why she had nightmares.
That was a secret she could never reveal to anyone who was mortal.
In the end they had to part.

And now months later Valkyrie wished that there was anyone who sge could talk to.
A friend or a patner, an enemy or just anyone she knew or was familiar with.
If she still would be in Ireland....

With a sigh Valkyrie mentally slapped herself.
Tanith was right she had to do somethingh.
,,Go out and enjoy life."
A good advice decided Valkyrie and one she ought to follow.

After she had made sure that Xena had enough food and water for the next few hours she searched for the keys of her Ford Fiasta.
A niece car, since the one her parents had gifted her was still in Ireland.

Amazingly enough the car was average, not as striking and suspicious as the Bently neither was it as ugly as the other cars Skulldugery drove.
It was perfect.

The door swung open and Valkyrie walked inside, glad to finally escape the rain.
Soaked with rain water she walked over towards the bar ready for a beer or two, when she spotted a man.
In truth there was more then one man (obviously), five man she saw anyway and four women and of course there was the two bartenders to consider.
And just to be completly throughout let's consider the people who might be visiting the toilet right now.
Anyway it wasn't the man who was drinking shots and looked as if he should have stopped five shots ago doing that, that alarmed her.
Neither was it the two man vividly arguing.

No, it was the one and only truly alone man who sat at the bar counter and was looking at his beer as if it was soon going to talk and solve all his problems.
The first thingh she noticed was his blond hair that seemed slightly longer and the tan that hadn't been their before.
The brown suit and the cowboy boots had stayed the same trough.
And even trough she couldn't see his face, she was pretty sure that he was wearing sunglasses.

Typical her luck, thpught Valkyrie that she walked into the one bar with the hired killer in it.

........

The day hadn't been bad.
Neither had it been good.
But then what was good these day?
If anythinge he should consider himself lucky to live.
But the feeling joyous feeling of having survived even trpugh he had been on the brink of death had soon been overshadowed by the loss of the woman he loved.

At least she is happy.
Not that that helped him.
Unhappy or happy, both ways she wouldn't have wanted to do anythingh with him.
He had seen it in her eyes.
Not the reaction had been the worst decided Billy-Ray, the look of utterly disgust at the sheer suggestion that she would ever be together with him...
That was what had hurt the most.

Some days he woke up and regretted having meet her in the first place.
Not because he regretted loving her  but because he regretted the place were he has ended up.
What kind of person had he become?
Only a year ago he had a job and been happy with his life.
If he hadn't been out killing people he had watched movies or simply gone out.
Not once had he went to a bar ordered a beer and just sat there, starring at a beer.

He left like a loser.
An idiot.

,,I didn't knew you were America."The familiar voice interrupted his self pity and starteled him so badly that he almost spilled his beer.

A littel panicked by the unexpected interruption he looked to the left only to find himself looking at - Valkyrie Cain.

What the hell was she doing here?
He hadn't thought it possible but suddenly his mood dropped even lower.

,,I am American."was all he could manage to say while he starred at her.

Somehow it was utterly ridiculous that she appeared on this bar, right now at his lowest point.
Typically.

,,Still, I wasn't sure what you were going to do after the destruction in Ireland."

,,My plan was to destroy the world."reminds Billy-Ray matter of factly.

,,You helped us save the world."points Valkyrie mildly out and there is something mild in her voice.
As if she is trying to tell Billy-Ray that he isn't as bad as he is.

,,That was back up plan, but if it would have made Tanith happy I would have burned the whole world down."the words leave his mouth, as if he was spitting somethingh sour tasting out.