Heather Chandler Oneshots

Dear Reader #4

Heather's pov:

Let me get right to the point.

I'm jealous of everyone.

Why?

Because they get to hold you.

They get to love you and curl up with you when they've had a bad day.

They get to touch you.

They get to hold your hand.

They get to know what it's like to feel your lips everywhere.

And I don't.

I don't get to cuddle with you.

I don't get to hold your hand.

I don't get to have you look into my eyes and call me yours.

I get to watch from the shadows. I get to watch.

I know you don't mean to hurt me.

Hell you don't even know how much it kills me to see you look at someone the way I look at you.

You don't know how many nights I've cried and wished you were here to hold me. Or how as hot as you looked last night all i could think about was going on a date with you and being able to hold your hand

... that's not too much to ask right?

Just.. just to hold your hand? Please. Even for a minute.

Go out on one date.

Just for one night I'd be able to do something other than imagine the life we could've had.

....Is that selfish? I don't mean it to be.

It's not about you being mine.

It's not about who you kiss.

It's not even about all those times I wanted to make out with you.

It's about the fact that everyone else but me has the chance to treat you right. And how they repeatedly don't.

How they get to kiss you and hold your hand, and then leave you like it never happened.

Don't they fucking understand how amazing you are.

How lucky they are to hold your hand.

They get to be with you, and they treat you like yesterday's shitty chinese leftovers.

They don't fucking understand that there's one person who would give anything to be with you.

I'd fucking die if it meant I could hug you if only for a moment.

They get to know what it's like to hold you. When all I know is what it's like to hold a pillow.

It's not fair that the only person willing to treat you how you should be treated can't. How sad is that.

The one person who would give anything for you, who would do anything, who, at the the end of the day doesn't even care if we have sex or not.

That one person who just wants to hold your hand and cuddle with you.

Can't.

How unfair is that? And why.

Why does it have to be like that.

Why do you have to be treated like trash when you could be loved?

Why can't you just come home to someone that loves you and would do anything just to see you smile?

Why do you have to come home to assholes who can't even hold a job? Why

...why the fuck can't I hold your hand and just be with you, just lay in bed and talk with you.

I don't care what we talk about.

You can talk about anything and I'd listen.

You could tell me the most boring things in the world but if you're saying it, I wouldn't find it boring.

Anything.

Anything in the whole entire world.

Explain why we have moonlight, tell me about how lampshades are made, for God sake I'd even listen to you explain scientific theories.

Who gives a shit if I don't understand it.

You care about it, whatever it is. That's reason enough for me to listen.

People shouldn't treat you like shit, they should worship the ground you walk on.

I'm jealous because no one on earth has to ask why they can't hold your hand.

But I have to ask why.

I have to sit and wonder when I'll be able to just fall into your arms after a long day and finally let my guard down.

I have to ask myself why they get to hold your hand and I don't.