Under the Blood Moon

Chapter 3

        We got what we needed from the Grocery store and started to head back to the Lake House. The thoughts of Derek were running through my mind and my heart began to feel the breaking pain again. I don't want to ever be in love again. Love isn’t real. There is no such thing as true love and after Derek I never looked again. My mother always tried to tell me that I was young and heart breaks are going to come and go. She wanted me to give it time before I wrote off being in love forever. I know I am young but if this is how love it, why would anyone want to do it? I don’t understand.

         We pull back into the driveway and then I remember that Travis is there. Not wanting to feel anything for him. I rush into the house and into my room and lock the door. I don’t want to think about Derek anymore. It just makes me angry and hurt. I have given enough thought to what happened and I don’t it doesn’t deserve anymore. I lay down on my stomach and burry my face into my pillow. I can feel wetness on the pillow and I realize I am crying. Anger fills me from top to bottom. Why am I still letting what Derek did affect me? It’s not like he cares what happened. I hear footsteps coming down the hall and they are getting closer to my room. I am hoping that they stop and turn around. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. I just want to be alone.

          I hear a soft knock on the door. "Who is it?" I respond annoyed "Its Mom. Can I come in please?" I really don't want to talk with her right now. "Mom I am really not feeling well. I am trying to go to sleep."

        "Ok Honey, well dinner is in an hour I’ll come and get you when it's done." I can hear the disappointment in her voice. I wait to hear her footsteps get further from my door. I roll over to my back and let out a long sigh. I don’t like to hurt her feelings but every time she wants to talk to me she always brings up my mental break down in the hospital. She can tell when I am thinking about it. It seems like every time I do she is at my side begging me to open up to her. I have tried to tell her things before and it always ends badly. I looked over to my window and see the trees swaying in the breeze. Leaves are dancing down from the trees and landing gently on the ground. Birds are flying from branch to branch singing their sweat songs to one another. Everything looks so beautiful and calm. I need to get out of here. Throwing the window open I grab my jacket and jump out the window. I love to hear the crunching of the leaves under my feet. I need to calm my mind and recharge my soul. The memories are haunting me and making me relive the pain of that night. I don’t know why Derek’s actions are still affecting me. I have tried so many times to remind my heart that it’s not broken anymore but even my heart knows better. Not only was that the night that Derek broke my heart and my ridiculous obsession with love, but it’s the night I was attacked. That night is the most confusing memory I have. I don’t know whether I should continue to believe what I saw or believe that I made it up. Maybe the doctor was right. Maybe it was just a dream. Could it really have been something that I made up to deal with what happened with Derek? It felt so real though. I can still remember the crushing weight of her paw on my chest and the emerald mist filling my soul. I try to focus on the cool breeze that is running through my hair. The smell of sweet flowers and fresh grass fill my nose. I take a deep breath and let it fill my senses. I love the outdoors. It’s so calming to me. I start to walk out of the forest and towards the shoreline. I need to feel some sand between my toes. I make it to the shore and slip my tennis shoes off. I toss them to the side and feel the cold sand my feet and it feels divine. I lay flat on my back, close my eyes and let the sun warm my face. Breathing in deeply trying to calm my mind and find some peace from these haunting memories. I run my hands through the sand feeling the small pieces of leaves that have fallen from the trees. Travis enters my mind and finally I feel the sweep of relief through my body. For some reason I miss him. I haven’t seen him in a few hours and I have been avoiding him at all cost. Maybe I need to stop fighting these feelings for him. I don’t want to be in love with him but I can at least accept him as a friend. I could use one right now. He has been nothing but nice to me, even though his cockiness is annoying. The sun is suddenly blocked from my face and I get the sweet smell of Travis.