First Words (BTS - Yoongi x Reader)

Chapter 19

Note: I'm sorry.

It took a few hours and a Skype call with Ivy to pull yourself together. Ivy convinced you to talk to him. According to her, he knew you wanted to know so if he waited then he must have had a reason to do so. Her logic made sense, and she rarely forced you to do anything, so you were inclined to follow her orders.

You dressed simply, washed your face, and headed over to the dorm. It was pouring outside, so you called a cab to take you there. Unlike last time, you remembered to bring your key, so you let yourself in and found your way to the living room.

Yoongi and a few other members were watching a movie there and they all looked up as you entered.

"I'm ready to discuss," you signed to Yoongi. The other members got the hint and wandered off to their rooms, though you knew at least the maknae line would be spying.

"I talked to Ivy and she convinced me that you had to have a reason for waiting to tell me. So I am here to hear that reason," you signed. Yoongi sighed and drew a hand over his face.

"Y/N. I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you. I waited because telling you about her meant saying something else," he paused, allowing you to absorb the information. You nodded and he continued. "There's been a lot of speculation about her being my soulmate. And the media isn't going to believe that she's a random sasaeng since it happened twice. I told Sejin first immediately after it happened and then he told PD-Nim and they want us to come out."

It took a moment for his words to register. Come out. They wanted you to go public. You swore you could hear Yoongi saying something, but all you could think about was the aftermath of releasing your relationship status.

"Y/N? Did you hear me?" Yoongi asked. You shook your head and focused on him. "People think the company lied to the media and the only way to prove them wrong is to go public. That's why I waited. I didn't know how you would react. And I was a little afraid of going public, so I didn't want to tell you. But now that you know, do you want do the press release tomorrow or when?"

"No." you signed, the scenarios running through your head. Armys hating you. People recognizing your face everywhere. Every move being scrutinized. You just wanted a quiet life. The word had even taken away your voice for that. "I don't want to do the press release."

"Wait, what do you mean you don't want to do it?" Yoongi asked.

"I mean, I don't want to do it. I'm not ready for that. I knew dating you meant someday... but I didn't think so soon. I'm not ready. I can't. I can't, Yoongi. I can't have my face out like that," you protested, standing up. Yoongi stood up as well.

"Y/N. I don't think you understand. People are questioning BigHit's credibility. Think of my career," Yoongi said.

"Think of my career! I just got promoted to assistant principal. I still learning how the position works and figuring out who I can trust at work. I don't think having my face all over the media is going to help that," you replied, face growing hot because he just didn't get it.

"Y/N. It's like you said. It has to be done eventually, so why not now? Were you planning on hiding it forever?"

"No, but I can't do it right now. I didn't ask for this. I never wanted fame or popularity. I wanted a quiet life. I wanted you ." Tears were beginning to form again and you wondered how many times a person could cry in a day.

"Well, this is me. The fame and popularity are part of the package. And if you can't deal with that, then maybe you shouldn't even be with me!" Yoongi's voice had raised to a level of shouting and you shrunk back. You'd fought before, sure, but he had never yelled at you.

"Yoongi. You don't mean that," you signed.

"I do, in fact. This is me. You want me? You get the media with it. You get the fangirls and fanboys and everything you do being public. If you can't handle that, then you might as well leave me now," Yoongi seethed.

"Sure, yeah. Why don't you just go running to your sasaeng girl?" you retorted harshly.

"Maybe I will. I know at least Jaehee will accept every part of me." Jaehee. She had a name.

"Jaehee? Not just the crazy sasaeng who forced you to kiss her. Jaehee. You actually learned her name." Tears completely filled your vision at this point.

"Yeah, Jaehee. God, look at you. I bet she doesn't start crying at everything, even me knowing another girl's name," Yoongi's words stung and you could feel your chest getting tighter as the world closed in on you.

"Yeah? Well at least I don't wait 2 fucking days to tell my partner I kissed someone else!"

"You're still stuck on that? I told you why I waited! You're so fucking stubborn!" Yoongi shouted harshly, shoving your shoulder with one hand.

"So what if I'm stubborn? At least I have the decency to apologize immediately after I do something wrong!" you pushed back.

"You're so fucking high maintenance! At least I can speak like a normal human being!" Yoongi snapped.

Cold.

You felt cold for some reason. It was as if he had struck you with his bare hand and all you could feel was the sting left behind. A deep breath. Two. Three. Faster, faster. Not matter how much air you gulped in, your chest remained constricted. Was the room getting smaller? Were those voices? You couldn't move. Everything was stuck, moving through thick molasses.

A hand on your shoulder and you were slingshot back into reality.

You dropped your hands to your side, every insecurity you'd suppressed about your muteness rushing back in an instant. You grabbed your bag from the couch, slammed the door behind you, and ran. You didn't even bother to hail a cab. Tears blurred your vision as you ran to the only person you could always rely on.

.........

Yoongi dropped onto the couch with his head in his hands as the other members followed Hoseok and filtered into the living room.

"What did I do?" he whispered aloud.

"You fucked up hyung. You fucked up real bad," Hoseok said before turning his back and returning to his room. The other members silently nodded their agreement to Hoseok's statement before doing the same.