Fate Carries You Away; Drifting Further and Further

Chapter 21: Tell Ourselves a Good Lie

Eiji Okumura

15 Aug. 2018

I stare at my own reflection in the black coffee.

My face is blotchy and red from crying and my arms are numb from the tension. It isn't nothing to have to give the guy you like abdomen compressions. Even if it's just for a minute, it's not at all nice.

He choked, something I knew would happen again. The previous times were tense too, but since it was solid food it was easier to get out of his windpipe with a little force. But he literally inhaled the smoothie this time, causing to block his airway for a longer time.

Max fortunately knew exactly what to do, so as soon as he got word of what happened he stormed into the room. Max started giving Ash air using a bag-valve-mask right away.

And since I was in tears, someone else I barely know, took me away from the scene.

I was told to stay in the hallway, even though they normally don't order nurses to wait outside. But maybe I'm glad that I'm not inside, pumping air into Ash's lungs, right now.

I sat down on the other side of the hallway. I buried my face in my arms and knees and waited.

Not much later Ibe-san arrived at the hallway, giving me a cup of coffee and a tissue. I don't know who told him what happened, but he seemed to know exactly what's going on.

"I'm scared," I admit to Ibe-san once he's taken a seat beside me.

I promised myself not to show anyone how much I care for Ash, but I have to vent. I can't handle seeing him going backwards so quickly, at least not on my own, with no one to talk to about it.

"I get it, Ei-chan." Ibe-san's hand rests on my upper leg. He squeezes gently before telling me that he's sure Ash's going to be alright. "Max is an experienced nurse, and especially since he cared for Ash and his brother for such a long time, I bet he's done this millions of times before."

I nod, knowing that Ibe-san's probably right. But that doesn't make everything less scary.

"I just don't know what to do now," I whisper, tears start to well up in my eyes again. "I don't know what to do to make Ash's life less miserable, everything I come up with only makes it worse."

Ibe-san shakes his head and saying, "That's not true."

"How do you know that?" I snap back, immediately regretting my tone.

"Because Max and I are friends." Ibe-san explains to me that he and Max talk about me and Ash a lot, which I didn't expect. "Just to make sure that the both of you are doing alright."

I glance at him, I didn't know they would be keep such close eye on us; what if they already found out that Ash and I have grown so much closer than we should've. I sure hope they don't know.

"So, I know that Max thinks Ash actually has been doing better since your arrival," Ibe-san explains.

"Really?" I take a sip of the coffee Ibe-san brought me. "Because it doesn't feel that way."

Ibe-san tells me that even though Ash may seem like he's doing worse, since he reached stage four and all, he's doing much better emotionally. "He used to be really withdrawn, but ever since you arrived, he's been much more cheerful and open about himself."

I take a deep breath; that may be true, but that doesn't mean he'll be alright in the end.

Just when I'm about to ask Ibe-san about what's best for me to do to make sure that Ash will be okay in the end. The door opens and Max walks into the hallway; is expression is relieved but serious.