Cigarette Burns - Sirius Black

Ch 71: The Paths We Avoid

"You broke her heart, you made her feel like she will always be the second choice. You were the one who was supposed to stay by her side through everything. Or was that just a load of bullshit?" 

Owen ran his hands down his face, "You don't get it Sirius. I had to leave! Nothing with Morrigan was bullshit, it never was." 

"You had to?" Sirius said in disbelief, "You fucking hypocrite, you self entitled shit-" 

"Sirius!" Remus interrupted, "Hear him out, then we can yell at him. Weren't you the one upset that no one ever heard your side?" 

Sirius rolled his eyes but conceded folding his arms, "Fine." 

"Out of the two women outside this pub right now, only one is in love with me. Sure Morrigan loves me, she relied on me to take care of her and I did my damn best to show her how much I love her, to make her happy and have her fall in love with me the way I'm in love with her. But for fucks sake Black, you're an idiot if you can't see that she still loves you."

Sirius scoffed, "MacDonald she chose you. Don't be an idiot." 

"Sure, she chose me, but the way she lit up when she talked about you, or when she'd find any excuse to go over and help you cook or take care of the kids. I'm not an idiot Sirius. And some selfish part of me was going to hold onto her forever, when Amber sent that letter I sent her away, I told her I fell in love with someone else. But, how could I keep Morrigan to myself, when she is so clearly infatuated with you. And I'm in love with Amber too, for the longest time I wondered what if. I couldn't let Morrigan spend her life wondering that too."

"And you couldn't tell her this? You couldn't actually explain to her why you left, instead you said you were in love with a different woman. Don't you get it MacDonald? She thought that because she didn't tell you she loves you quick enough that you left," Remus snapped. "We're all idiots when it comes to relationships, but that was the single dumbest move you could have ever made. Because you promised her you wouldn't leave her, you promised that you would stay no matter what, and then you turned around and left her for someone else, then brought that same person to meet her! Don't you see how cruel that is?" 

Owen looked taken aback by Remus's outburst, truly now contemplating the way he ended things, "I thought I did the right thing." 

"No," Remus shook his head, "you did the easy thing. The right thing is telling her the truth. Because you breaking up with her for being in love with someone else would have sucked for her, she still would have cried, she still would have experienced heartbreak. But at least you were still acting in her best interest, and she could at least come to respect that. But leaving her for another woman while she never once cheated on you, or let anything inappropriate happen with Sirius? I thought you were better than that. I counted on you being the safe choice and so did she." 

"She won't want the safe choice down the road though," Owen argued. "Sirius might have moved on and she would regret every minute of her time with me." 

"I wouldn't of," Sirius said quietly. "I could never move on from her. Even with all the cheap hookups and booze in the world, I can't. There is no one like her. And she's flawed, she hurts, she doesn't take care of herself the way she should and she's too kind for her own good. She has a hard time confronting her own feelings, and sometimes she can be frustrating as hell. She's secretive and mysterious, and I don't even care because I love all of those things about her. Can you really move on from her MacDonald? Or were you like me, so scared of the most amazing thing in your life that you let it get away?"