The Story of Regulus Black - Years 1-4

CXIV. The Spell With No Sparks

CW: suicidal thoughts, homophobic slurs, & attempted suicide (i feel that i should clarify - it is not a self inflicted wound, it is acceptance of the idea of dying/not seeking help for a fatal injury). if you are not comfortable with any of these, do not read this chapter; as i have said before, your mental health is much more important than this fic.

April Fools day was fast approaching.

The castle was less on edge than they were normally during this time of year. After all, the marauders were the ones who always brought on this sense of unease; the students never knew when they would strike with a new prank. However, with the marauders at odds, everyone was able to breathe.

Regulus noticed that, at the very least, their relationship had improved a bit.

Sirius would no longer spend all of his time with the Gryffindor fifth year girls (plus Dorcas Meadowes), and he was now sitting with James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin again. Sure, they never really spoke, and it seemed that none of them could hold eye contact with Sirius for more than ten seconds, but it was progress.

They were not the only ones making progress on things, either. Regulus was genuinely making progress on getting better without the help of others. Sure, he would still have those awful nightmares about what had happened to his brother, and these memories had even sometimes started to haunt his mind when he was awake. However, his thoughts that death would be a better alternative to the life that he was currently living had certainly been reduced.

The 27 March held the Quidditch match between Hufflepuff and Slytherin, and Regulus went for support. He and Phoebe walked down to the pitch together, the weather a nice and moderate temperature of not too warm and not too cold. Phoebe was wearing her Slytherin tie around her neck, draped loosely over the top that she was wearing. Regulus wasn't wearing anything of either green or silver, for he didn't feel like putting that much effort into his outfit. And besides, he didn't really have anything other than his school uniform.

They were halfway down the winding dirt path when Phoebe spoke. "Feel weird to be going to a match that you aren't playing in?" She questioned.

Regulus shrugged, his hands staying where they were shoved deep into his pockets. "Not really. I'm not about to faint from stress." Regulus had not attended the match between Ravenclaw and Slytherin. He had been much too busy with homework and therefore had never attended a match for Slytherin that he was not personally playing in since his second year. Until now, that is.

Phoebe shivered from the thought. "I don't know how you do it. Quidditch just seems so... stressful."

Regulus shrugged again. "The matches are stressful. The other parts of it - the practices and the thrill of actually being in the game - they're all rather stress-relieving, really. I like it."

Phoebe smiled a bit, but it did not last long. For, she realized that she still had a question that she wanted to know the answer to. "Hey, why did you quit the team in the first place?"

Regulus faltered in his step for a moment. Phoebe Scott was one of the many people who Regulus had not spoken to about his mental health. Whether or not she had clocked on by herself was a question that Regulus didn't care to know the answer to. However, now that she was asking, what was he supposed to say?

He shrugged. "Had a lot of school work. Quidditch was taking too much time away." This was technically half truth, half lie.

Phoebe nodded slowly. "Are you playing again next year?"

He didn't even have to hesitate. "Oh, yeah. If I have a lot of school work, I'll just deal with it." This was something that he had decided. No matter what, he was going to play Quidditch next year. If his mind decided to start screaming at him to kill himself, then so be it. He wouldn't let that stop him from playing the sport that he both enjoyed and missed.