Which Way Is Up?: An Atheist's guide to Depression

Accepting Life

You're depressed.  You want to die.  Well guess what?!  Whish granted.  You will.   

The question is when?

I've said this before, but part of my depression was based on the idea of pointlessness.  What's the point of doing anything if I am going to die and everyone else is going to die?

 Here is how I got over that: 

I used to feel like I needed depression to function, as crazy as that sounds, even though it was destroying me. In a sick, twisted way, I liked the pain of swirling deeper into my negative thoughts. I suppose a good metaphor for my inability to stop beating myself up is like the reason we pick scabs- it's not very logical at all even though at the same time it's incredibly easy to (falsely) justify. My depressive pitfalls were that everything was pointless and that I had no control. I didn't want to let go. So I didn't. And I crashed. Hard.

I came as close as anyone can come to ending their existence, and I found that I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do that to myself. Some piece of me, no matter how worthless I felt at the time, had more to give. 

So, I decided that since I'm going to stay here and swim in this ocean we call life for the rest of my limited time, I'm not going waste any of it feeling sad, letting others get to me, or letting myself get to me.

It took me hitting rock bottom to realize that I did have some control, and that I had to start controlling my thoughts. 

I tell myself that I can have thirty seconds to let it all out. All of my frustration, anger, sadness, tears, complaints. And after those thirty seconds are up, I have to stop, to close the lid. Why? Because I'm human and I can't snap my fingers and feel instantly better.  But that's okay.

Pain is necessary to understand pleasure.  Their opposite natures are what make them definable.  If you never felt any pain, then how could you understand that you were experiencing pleasure? Or even, just a lack of pain?  You couldn't.  

If you never suffered, you wouldn't be capable of feeling happiness.  

Opposites are part of nature.  Male female; light dark; happy sad; to have and not to have.

I can’t change it.  If I wanted to survive, I had to accept it. 

In four quotes is some wisdom from ancient philosopher and emperor Marcus Aurelius.  Take a second and think about each one.

*          *          *          *          *

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

*          *          *          *          *

“Life is neither good or evil, but only a place for good and evil.”

*          *          *          *          *

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

*          *          *          *          *

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.”

*          *          *          *          *

There is no concrete evidence for an afterlife, but I found that it doesn't matter.  Whether you believe in a religion or not, the point is that everybody dies. Death is the great equalizer.  

The point is that if we are going to die, if everyone is going to die, then the true definition of a successful person is someone who makes the most of the life they have.  

So, I let all of my frustration and sadness out; I vent.

and then I close the lid

because if I’m stuck on a hunk of rock floating in space,

I am bloody going to make the most of it.

I stand up, dust myself off, and keep enjoying what life has to offer.

And it’s been great.

(If you watch the video, you probably shouldn't attempt anything you see, just listen to the lyrics of Fort Minor's Remember the Name.)