Turning Tables ✔

Part 5

[continuation of flashback]

"I meant that I hope I'll get over you... romantically," I said nervously. "I don't want to spend my whole life missing you. Right now, I'm afraid that's what's going to happen. And I just... I can't do it."

"Are you saying... What I think you're saying?" Jennie asked.

"I love you," I continued, though I could see her hesitance. "I've been in love with you for so long. I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry if that's weird to hear and I know you're not into women. But I had to say it. I had to tell you how I fucking feel."

She shook her head at first. "You don't love me."

"I do," I insisted. I might as well be honest, I thought. I was in too deep now. "You don't understand. I think about you all the time. You are my person, you're who I come to for everything. I've never trusted anyone the way I trust you. You're always the person I want to spend my time with above all else. You're the world to me."

She laughed. "Is that all?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Is what all?"

"Is that all you feel? That's nothing, that's just having a best friend. I feel the exact same way about you."

"You... you do?" I asked, trying not to blush.

"Absolutely! And I'm not in love with you." Then my heart sank.

"Well, I'm in love with you Jennie." I continued.

She rolled her eyes. "Lisa, come on..."

"I'm not fucking kidding, Jennie. I may just be a best friend to you, but for me, this is love. Real fucking love."

"I don't think—"

I cut her off. "I get it. I get that this is not what you feel and it's weird. But I am in love with you, even if you don't love me. What about the fact that, sometimes, I wake up before you and I watch you sleep? How about the fact that I look into your eyes and I get tingles all over my body? Or fantasize about what your lips may taste like? Do you feel any of that, best friend?"

I expected her to deflate. To tell me no, that wasn't how she felt as a best friend, and then apologize for telling me it wasn't love. I was angry at her for not getting it and trying to tell me how I felt.

She didn't deflate, though. Her jaw dropped and she mumbled, "Yes."

At first, I didn't register what she said. "Exactly, so maybe don't tell me—wait, what did you say, yes?"

"Yes," she said quietly.

"You... You understand what I asked, right? I asked you—"

"I watch you when you sleep too," she answered. "You look so peaceful in the middle of the night and I feel actual warmth in my stomach. I think to myself 'I should just wrap my arm around her. She looks cold, I should bring her close.' But I never do... And once you wake, I pretend the thought never crossed my mind."

Now it was my turn to have my jaw drop.

"Jen..." I said, reaching my hand out to her. To my surprise, she jerked away.

"I know what you're thinking, Lisa," she said. "But it's not love. That's not what this is. I'm sorry but... I am not in love with you. I'm just not."

How could she say that, I thought. How could she tell me how she really felt and then deny it?

"Jennie, you just said you want to cuddle me in my sleep sometimes."

"I know what I said," she answered defiantly. "But it's not love."