Bright Eyes

31. When the Walls Bend, with Your Breathing, They Will Suck You Down

Lyn remained curled up in a fetal position atop the closed toilet seat, her eyes shut as the ache pounded torturously against her brain. All she could breathe in was smoke, coughing the putrid air out into her stocking-clad knees—knees pressed against her chest, face pressed against her knees.

    From the shadows of the abyss, the voices went on screaming at her, echoing, pervading, a violent cacophony of sound; so overwhelming she felt herself tremble in shame and self-directed rage, felt tears escape the crack between her eyelids and roll down her cheeks unceasing.

    And apart from the voices in the dark, like a distant peal of thunder, Lyn could hear Cheryl and her friends chant, "Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch!"

But she no longer paid them much mind, and it was a strange thing, really: how she was crying not because of the blatant mockery and the little fires Cheryl and her friends threw at her again and again, nor was the mound of ashes and flames below her the reason for her tears—the accumulation didn't amount to much, the small fires dying quickly and the collective flame kept alive only by their adding more burning pieces to the heap, the blaze rising at a level too low to set anything around it aflame—nor did she give much thought to the possibility of her smothering to death in a toilet cubicle—a pathetic demise—but Lyn found herself crying over the words the voices in the deep shadows were telling her—that this was all her fault, that she shouldn't have showed any sign of vulnerability (what would her father think of her, say to her, if he saw her right now in this state), that she shouldn't have called for Talya's help and troubled her, that she deserved this, truly deserved this punishment; and that if she were to die here and now, it was fine—she deserved it anyway. That all these things the choir of demon voices were telling her, singing to her, screaming at her—these all held an irrefutable truth: this was all her fault, and she deserved to die, and her absence would be better for everyone else.

"Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch!" the chanting went on on the other side of the door, and more strips and rolls of paper, lit aflame, flew in through the space at the bottom of the door. Smoke was filling the air, insinuating into Lyn's lungs; she coughed again into her knees. "Burn the witch!"

    COME TO US, the voices called out to her from the stygian void. FALL INTO THE SHADOWS, DROWN DEEP IN OUR DARK WATERS, INTO THE ENDLESS DEPTH, THEN YOU SHALL CEASE TO EXIST—IS THAT NOT THE VERY THING YOU DESIRE? IS THAT NOT WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DESIRES—FOR YOU TO VANISH FROM THIS WORLD AND LEAVE THEM BE? THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU, WRETCHED CREATURE. DIE! YOU DESERVE NOTHING GOOD—PUNISHMENT, YES; BUT DEATH, YES, YES, YES! THAT IS THE VERY FATE DUE YOU. YOU MUST BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE IN THE FUMES, AND DIE. DIE! DIE! DIE!

    And so Lyn lifted her head up, eyes still closed, and breathed in the smoke, one deep inhale after another, and the voices of the dark cheered her on, and the chanting continued beyond the door, a mere whisper in the raging storm, as pieces of paper were ignited and flung in to her own little realm of hell. "Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch!"

Her heart hammered within her chest in quick erratic rhythms. Her eyes were now open, and the world spun and turned and blurred around her, nothing but smears of coral pink and white and fiery red filling her vision. Yet she kept breathing in and in and in, each inhale deep and deliberate, drinking in doses of hot tainted air, feeling the heat fill her mouth and slide down her throat and cool in her lungs. Did just as the voices were telling her . . .

"Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch!"

    Then Lyn felt herself both float and fall, heard the gush of waters, a soothing melody, as though a river ran close by, and the last thing she was conscious of, before the world around her faded to nothing, was a shatter above.