After the kiss, things get awkward. What are you supposed to say after that? "Oh sorry, we just made out!" Somehow Dan manages to distract me with talking. It's all stilted and uncomfortable, but it's better than just boiling in an awkward silence.
"I guess you don't know about the time I tripped down the stairs in front of everyone at Uni. Right?" asks Dan. I let out a short laugh, looking at him in disbelief. Not that it's impossible to imagine that. It's pretty obvious that he's trying to change the subject, but it's a welcome change.
"No. What happened?" I ask, ready to hear this trainwreck of a story.
Dan gives a laugh and smiles, sitting up and clearing his throat, "Well, it was the day we were all moving into the halls, and I had all my clothes and furniture and of course Guitar Hero controllers. I guess everyone else had their shit too, so I'm basically wading through this sea of sweaty university students. I'm trying to get through all these people and suddenly I just trip, completely wipe out in front of everyone, plastic guitars flying everywhere. Everyone laughed and I definitely wanted to end my own life right there."
I laugh a little and rest against his shoulder. I guess now that we've kissed or whatever that's okay, unless we decide that the kiss didn't happen and we'll never speak of it again. I'm a little disappointed that we're both tall, since we can't do that thing in romantic movies where the boy rests his chin on the girl's head, but I suppose that would only be enforcing gender roles.
"You know," I say, a little worried about what I'm about to say, "I used to be a massive fangirl of you." Dan purses his lips and looks over at me.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. I used to send you these emails where I'd just ramble on and on... I stopped years ago, of course. I'm more mature now, I promise. Now my only crushes are Halsey and Ruby Rose."
"You sent emails?" he asks, a despicable grin on his face. I sink into the couch a little, instantly regretting my decision to tell him this. He'll want to see them now, I know it. He'll probably just laugh at it, but his idea of me will suddenly turn from "pretty cool bi youtube icon" to "pretty cool bi youtube icon who used to be a fangirl."
Dan gets out his computer, typing in a password and opening email. I shift nervously in my seat, hating myself more than ever. Why can't I just shut my mouth and not mention stupid shit like this? I guess it's my ADD, no mental filter, but I hate blaming things solely on that.
"Are you okay?" asks Dan, looking over at me and realizing how distressed I am by this whole situation.
"Please don't..." I mutter, hiding my face, "They're horrible. I'm talking about this awful stuff in like, middle school, and I was a horrible writer back then. Horrible. I probably used the wrong form of you're." Dan gives me this sort of "understanding golden retriever" look and closes the laptop, putting it back on the table.
He holds my hand, "I'm sorry. I'm sure you're a better writer now-"
There's a noise at the door and our heads snap in that direction in unison, eyes wide. My mind instantly narrows it down to two options: murderers coming to kill the two of us, or Phil coming back from dinner. I realize that I'm practically squeezing Dan's hand off and loosen my grip, looking back at him.
"It's just Phil, you know," he says, a playful smile on his face. I roll my eyes and look at him, still happy and goofy. I guess I've forgotten about this kiss, or pushed it to the back of my head for now.
"Yeah, but what will Phil say when he finds a random girl in your lounge?" Dan laughs harder than before, but I feel my cheeks turning redder than the red chair in the dining room.
"You're not that random," says Dan, "Phil knows who you are." He slings an arm over my shoulders nonchalantly, not realizing that the moment I realize what's happening butterflies fill my stomach.
"Oh yeah," I say, laughing. I guess that surprise kiss didn't sober me up quite enough, as I'm still just a bit of a mess.
Phil gets to the top of the stairs. I can't help but notice that he has a girl with him, and that they're holding hands. It's strange to think that Phil has a girlfriend, although I'm pretty sure PJ has mentioned her before. I'm pretty sure they've been dating for a few years.
It's weird being friends with YouTubers, especially close friends. As a fangirl you think you see everything there is to these people, that you know everything there is to know. In reality, you only see a thin slice of people, just what they choose to show between word choice and editing skills.
Phil and the girl walk into the lounge, standing in front of the TV across from Dan and I. "Hey Mia!" says Phil. He almost seems surprised to see me, but it's a good surprise, "This is Em." He gestures toward the girl next to him. She seems nice enough.
"Sorry," says Dan, "I thought you guys were going to Em's place. We can go-"
"Nah, it's alright. We'll just be in my room." I raise an eyebrow and Em turns bright red. She's pretty, even when her face is the color of a fire truck. Hair hair is in a short pixie cut and dyed a greeny-blue. She's a good bit shorter than the rest of us, practically a head shorter than me. She seems nice enough, confident too.
They leave the room just as Dan and I happen to make eye contact and burst out laughing. Once again I'm folded over like a lawn chair on the couch, stamping my foot into the ground like an angry bull. The poor people in the flat below us must be having the time of their lives...
Just as we quiet down again, the sound of squeaking bedsprings fills the flat, and I can't help but burst out laughing once more. Yeah, we're definitely twelve.
- - -
holy FUCK im ready for this book to be over with. dear lord please the straight ships are killing me my gay ass can't handle this guys. At least Mia is a tolerable character now kinda ugh.
At least she's gay? Writing her as bi is my only sanctuary right now okay because she is SO GAY jfc
Honestly this was the worst writing yet why did i ever think this was good OR that i was any sort of authority on fanfic um
