Why Not Me?

Zhan and Yibo

"Do you wanna be my Boy Friend?"

Wang Yibo could not believe his  ears. He has been dying to listen to those words from Xiao Zhan for  over two years now. His heart was gonna burst out of his chest.

   Can Xiao Zhan hear my heartbeat now? How embarrassing! But is this  really happening? Is he finally asking me? I hope to God, I'm not  dreaming.

Yibo was ready to answer Yes, but his world came crashing down  when Xiao Zhan laughed it off and said nervously "Do you think, he will  say yes?"

"W..what...Who?" Yibo could almost hear his heart break into a thousand pieces.

"Who  else silly, I'm obviously talking about Phun. I think i'm in love with  him. No, I KNOW I love him. I keep thinking about him all the time, I  can't take my eyes off him. What do you say Yibo, you think he will say  Yes?"

Yibo could not believe he had to listen to the love of his  life describe how he has fallen in love with someone else. All he could  think was.. why not me?

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Zhan and Yibo have been  friends since the first day of college. They met in class when they were  seated next to each other. Yibo had thought that Zhan was the most  beautiful boy he has ever seen. And he said so to his face only to be  hit playfully by Zhan but groaning angrily to never call him beautiful.  He preferred Cool..Sexy..Hot! But Yibo could see that Zhan had the most  precious smile that could melt hearts. And the mole below his lower  lip.. the mole almost drove him crazy.

They quickly realized, they  had the same interests in music and video games. They would play games  between classes and hang out over the weekends listening to music,  singing, writing songs. They even planned to start a band of their own.

Zhan's  voice was as beautiful and perfect as his face. Singing was his  passion. It was in his blood and he wanted to prove it to his Mom that  he could make her proud with his singing. She had never been the same  since the day he came out to his family in the second year of college.  He just wanted her to love him the same as before. Unexpectedly, it was  Zhan's father who was supportive and assured him that his Mom will  eventually come around.

Yibo could write the most beautiful songs  Zhan had ever heard. He was a natural. Give the kid five mins of peace,  and he could write down a whole love song for you. They were the perfect  duo. They became the best of friends and it's been almost three years  now composing and singing together, posting their work online on all  available social media platforms. They had a huge fan following in  college. How can anyone not love them, they were extremely handsome and  equally talented in music.

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Yibo choked and with  unshed tears in his eyes said "Yes.. of course.. any body would be lucky  to have you. You are the best partner one can ask for. I'm sure he will  say yes"

"Should I go tell him now? I don't know if I can wait  any longer. I've been meaning to tell him from the moment I realized my  feelings and I just need to know if he feels the same"

"How can he not? Who could say no to that pretty smile" Yibo teased unwillingly.

"Go  for it"..... Yibo remembers saying those last words, remembers seeing  Zhan sprint away in the opposite direction eager to confess his love.  Rest of the day was a blur to him. When he opened his eyes, he was in  his dorm, in the dark. It scared the hell out of him. He quickly got up  to turn on some lights. He doesn't remember how or when he made it back  to the dorm. He remembers going to Yu Bin's room for a drink. He  remembers being heart broken. He remembers seeing the text from Zhan  that read "HE SAID YES". Now he has woken up in the middle of the night  and has a headache which somehow hurts a lot less than the pain in his  heart. The emotions don't leave him through the night. He keeps  repeating the same question over and over "Why not me?"

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Yibo  does not remember when he fell in love with Zhan. Heck! he didn't even  know he was gay until he started having feelings for him. He was never  interested in anyone before. Now he might not be interested in anyone  after either. He remembers how he used to hate ending their practice  sessions, how his heart used to skip a beat when Zhan was too close, how  Zhan's smile was a ray of sunshine in his otherwise boring life.

He  was shocked when Zhan came drunk to him one night, upset that his mom  had rejected him for being gay. He was also ecstatic not because Zhan  was crying but that was when he thought that may be he stood a chance  with his cool best friend. May be he could hope for a future together.  But he was too scared to say anything or show his feelings. He was  afraid of ruining the friendship, afraid of the rejection, afraid of  losing his only friend.

Now wasn't the time. Zhan needed a friend  that moment and he was going to be there for him as long as he needs.  After that Yibo could never find a perfect time to confess his feelings.  It was the exams, semester break, beginning of a new college year,  something or the other came in the way and finally everything changed  when the time came to pick a new band member... Phun Kanawat.

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Yibo  knew that Zhan only considered him as his best friend. He never showed  any feelings that could mean anything more. He was someone who Zhan  could rely on, someone who was going to stand by him through thick and  thin, someone who never kept any secrets from him. But he was shocked to  the core when his best friend revealed that he has feelings for their  new band member and that he wanted to confess.

They've only known  Phun for 3 months now. He was an exchange student from Bangkok. He was  the same height as Zhan but had dark brown eyes almost matching his  perfectly silky hair. He was good at playing drums and had come to find  them one day after hearing that they were looking for a drummer. More  than his drumming skills, Zhan and Yibo were impressed by his cool and  friendly personality which was total opposite to the way he looked and  presented himself. He was a very humble and sweet guy underneath the  cold and aloof demeanor.

Phun quickly became a college sweetheart  for his looks and cool guy attitude. Girls could only swoon and squeak  every time he passed by. Little did Yibo know, that he had the same  affect on Zhan. How did he miss the signs? Was he so blinded by his love  that he never imagined Xiao Zhan could actually like someone else.

The  three of them have been spending more and more time together these  days. They would go hiking, clubbing, playing basketball or visit Phun's  Uncle every now and then... he had a huge farm house with pool, game room  and a media room, big enough to entertain at least 20 people. But it  was always just the three of them spending the weekend. Sure they had  become close, sure he was jealous once or twice seeing Zhan laughing and  having fun with Phun, but he never expected his heart to be broken.

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Xiao  Zhan has always been a friendly soul, loved and adored by everyone  around him. He was loved by his parents, his friends, his teachers and  mostly all the girls from college who have created various fan pages for  him on social media. It never bothered him when girls liked to ship him  with Yibo. Yibo was his best friend and he never thought of him as  anything more. He did not want to complicate their relationship with  anything more than friendship. He liked the way things were with them.

He  was fine with the shipping as long as Yibo was not bothered. Yibo was  not like him, he was sensitive and hurt easily. Seeing Yibo get hurt was  the last thing he wanted. That would most definitely break him. He  always assumed that Yibo would be by his side forever. They had planned  to pursue their music careers together after college. But now, sitting  alone in their practice room, he just could not understand why Yibo  would drop out and leave town without even informing him. Did he do  something wrong? Was someone bullying him? Was there a problem with his  family? He did not have any of the answers as tears rolled down his  eyes. All that was left was a sticky note left by Yibo that said he was  dropping out and moving to New York.