Tommyinnit angst

Chapter 1-The Beginning

Tommy's pov(14 years-old)-

"WHAT IS UP CHAT" I yell into my mic with a smile. Man I love streaming.

I stared a couple years ago just fell in love with it. Fell in love with the grind if you will ;) It truly has brought me so much joy and if I'm being honest, I don't think I ever want to stop.

I stream with a few friends from school and my best friend, Tubbo, that I met online. Sometimes I can get a little too excited and they tell me to shut up or that I'm being too annoying. I can tell that they're joking most of the time but... I just have a weird feeling in my chest that I can't describe. I'm sure it's nothing.

Tommy's pov(present day)-

My streaming and youtube community has grown tremendously over the past two years and I am extremely grateful. I don't always act like it though which upsets some people, but I need to keep up my persona so honestly I don't give a fuck.

You see, a little over a year ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But don't you worry! I'm fine! I'm totally able to cope with it...just in some maybe not so healthy ways. But I am fine like this truly.

I deal with my shit on my own and my friends still believe that I'm the same happy, optimistic, funny kid that I've "always been". I've met up with Wil and Tubso a couple times since my diagnosis and was able to hide all my shit pretty well I think.

But since the last time I've seen them, it's gotten a whole lot worse.

I began having panic attacks, zone out WAY too much, eating makes me feel like shit, and I can't go more than a couple days without reaching for the cold, shiny object in my desk drawer.

*ring ring* Oh, it's Wilbur! He's one the people who has helped me the most, even if he doesn't know it. He's like a brother I never got to have.

I answer the discord call.

"Hey Wil"

"Hey Tommy, we need someone to fill in for among us, can you join?"

"Yeah sure thing big man"

"Cool, you gonna stream?"

I don't really want to, but I probably should.

"Yeah I think so, be there in a minute"

"Sounds good, I'll send the code"

Wil hung up then and I started up my stream.

I don't know if I have the energy to be 100% "myself" right now but hopefully no one will notice.

(time skip)

We're on the third round and I got crewmate again. "Looks like we have to do work again, gross" I finish with a laugh and begin my task in electrical.

Once I finish I look up to see Wil just kill Dream in front of me and instantly report.

"Guys guys! It's Tommy he literally just killed Dream in electrical RIGHT in front of me".

"Oh please like they're gonna just believe that," I scoff "I just finished a task and just as it goes away Wil slices his neck" I said calmly.

"Guys he's using his calm voice, he's got to be the imposter" Tubbo comments.

"Wha-" I start before realizing that everyone was humming in agreement and voting me instantly. I almost started to zone out and tear up before remembering my stream and covering it up.

"F-fine whatever, fuck you guys. You'll see I was right all along" I let out a loud, but fake laugh as my little character flies through space.

Do they really think I'm that loud and annoying that any time I'm soft spoken I have to be lying?

Maybe they just didn't want to hear my annoying voice

It's understandable

I turn my chat off of emotes only and see what they're all spamming about.

You good?

Hellllooooooo tommmmmmmyyyyyyy??

Earth to Tommyyy

are u okay

Hmm? Oh, the round's already over and Wil and Tubbo were the imposters. I guess I zoned out even though I was trying not to. I'll just ignore it and hope they do too.

"Hey Tommy?" I hear through my headphones.

"Yeah Wil?" I say kinda quiet, that's what happens when I zone out for a while.

"Are you okay? My chat keeps saying you like.. hardcore zoned out" he says with worry yet a little disbelief in his voice.

Shit. I've been confronted about stuff like this from by my friends before.

"Huh? A-oh yeah don't worry. I zoned out for a second but chat's overreacting" that is technically true, they're overreacting since this happens all the time.

"You sure, because they're all agreeing that it was for that entire last round, which was like, 15 minutes long", well shit.

"Trust m-me Wil, I'm f-fine" goddamit, why do I feel like crying there's literally no reason to.

"If you say so" Wil replies, clearly not believing me. It's fine, I'll fix it later. For now I just need to end stream because I can feel the panic attack that's about to happen.

Why do I have to be so weak?

(858 words) Remember you are not alone and have a great day! <3