Lady Sarah's Secret

XXXXV. Sarah on the Stairs

Sarah couldn't stop sniffling as she sat at the top of the stairs, her knees unable to take her any further. She stared down at the blood soaked bandage that someone had wrapped around her hand, and began to cry in earnest all over again, though not for the reasons she should've been.

He did not want her, again.

The annulment papers made that perfectly clear. Sarah knew she should be stumbling through what to do next, but she could not seem to get past the crushing heart break that had swallowed her. It felt as if a heavy weight kept her powerless on the stairs, unable to stir, unable to stand as she wept. All because she'd wanted her inheritance, she scolded herself mercilessly, all because she'd wanted to read Italian poetry. She'd done it to herself, she knew that.

But to leave him now, would be her undoing, she was certain.

"Sarah."

She looked up at the sound of his voice, he looked gray in the face, exhausted, aged in some way. He sat down heavily beside her, leaned his head down to rest in his hands for a moment. Sarah sat beside him, helpless to comfort him, for she could not imagine what he would want from her.

"I am sorry," he said when he finally spoke, turning to face her, that weariness still in his expression, "I should have - he should not have been able to -" Charles shook his head, apparently unable to collect his thoughts, Sarah felt much the same.

"It is not your fault," she said, her voice pathetically emotional, but there was no stopping the tears so she muddled along through them, "You have done more than enough for me," she continued, turning her eyes away from him as another wave of grief came at her.

"It was my duty to protect you," he growled at her and Sarah flinched at his words, silence stretched between them.

"At least it is over now," Charles said finally, the anger leaving his voice, "He cannot harm us again," he spoke to reassure her, but his reference to 'us' ripped at Sarah's raw nerves.

"Sarah, please, will you look at me?" he asked in a tone that was too gentle for her to bear, but she obeyed him, she looked at him with the heartache she had so many years ago. He had said goodbye to her on these same stairs then as well, and she could not bear to wait for him to continue the charade any longer now.

"You are safe now," he promised, though the corner of his mouth indicated his sadness. Sarah shuddered as he reached out and brushed a tear from her cheek. Closing her eyes against the image of his face, she spoke the lie that would at last set him free of her.

"I want an annulment," she said, harshly, firmly, then waited a moment to hear his consent at last. He would take her hand, drag her up from these blasted stairs and they would sign the papers. A sickness spread over her, and she wished he would end it quickly.

"No," he said, his voice so broken that Sarah's eyes flew open as she considered him in confusion. He was staring at her as if she meant to wound him, and she felt him take hold of her hand as it lay limply in her lap. "I will not grant you an annulment," he said, not in the calm voice he'd used the other instances she'd asked, but in anger, in pain. Sarah felt a flutter of hope in her chest, but then remembered Lavinia's words, Charles was an honorable man, he would do the right thing.

"Please," she repeated, hoping she sounded more convincing this time, but doubted the steady stream of tears would help her cause, "Please grant me an annulment, Charles," she was nearly choking on the last words as they came through her throat. Why was he forcing her to beg for something he intended to deliver?

Charles stared at her in bewilderment for several seconds and then Sarah watched as his expression changed to one of a Navy Lieutenant. She felt his hand come along either side of her face, his fingers wove into her hair, and he came nose to nose before he spoke again.

"You are my life," he said, and Sarah felt a sob buckle through, "Selfish as it may be... I will not release you," he finished in that same stern tone. Sarah felt another sob come through her throat as they stared at one another.

"Charles, please-"

But he covered her mouth with his own, cutting off her pleas with a kiss that seemed to pull all the way from her toes. Sarah cried harder, but he did not pull back, only deepened that kiss, crushing her lips against his own, demanding her response. It occurred to her in that moment that this would be the very last time he kissed her, and she was tired of fighting him. Sarah reached up with all the strength she had left and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to him, forcing him to hold onto her. The two of them were lost in that kiss, until the sound of a door slamming somewhere down the corridor, drew them apart.

Trying to catch her breath, Sarah knew what had to come next, but she lingered, her face tucked into his neck as he held her, wishing she could prolong the moment forever.

"The annulment," she whispered, through her gasps for air, but Charles immediately pulled her chin up to meet her mouth with his once again. His kiss began firm and demanding, but ended oh so tenderly.

"Stop talking like that," he muttered in a ragged growl against her lips. Sarah closed her eyes as a few more tears slipped out and Charles brushed a thumb against them.

She opened her eyes to watch him, to see him pull away from her. They were nose to nose, speaking against one another's lips, Charles' hands woven into her undone hair, and Sarah holding onto him for dear life. But they would be separate soon, she reminded herself. "I saw the papers," she said, her voice raw, and sad. Charles faces instantly transformed from anger to relief, Sarah's stomach dropped at the expression, he was relieved to finally be rid of her, then.

"You were not supposed to see those," he murmured the words against her lips, still not pulling away.

"You gave me leave of your library," she insisted, leaning her forehead into his, exhaustion overtaking her, now that the truth had been revealed.

"I do not want an annulment, Sarah," he whispered finally, then immediately kissed her to curl her toes.

"But - then -" she objected the moment they broke apart.

"You were so miserable," Charles was explaining in a calm voice, as he trailed kisses from the corner of her mouth along the line of her jaw, "I thought perhaps I should grant you the separation... but I am too selfish to let you go, Sarah. I cannot let you go."

Joy and confusion battle in her chest, and the events of the day left her fragile and tired, and like an idiot she began to cry again.

"You love me?" she asked, pulling back to look him in the face, to search his eyes, to see that he told the truth.

"I love you, Sarah," he answered easily, "Say that you will not leave me, now." he beseeched with a smile, and she suspected it was because he knew her answer already. Sarah was the one who began the kiss that time, and did not reply to her husband's question for several long minutes.

"That is a yes, then?" Charles chuckled, smiling against her lips.

"I will not leave, you" she said as joy bubbled up, all hope and grief and heartache ended, "I will never leave you," she promised. 

-The End-

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