Don't Rely On Me

1.

Trigger warning: this book has mentions of depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts.

Please do NOT read if these are sensitive topics.

This book is slightly based of personal experience from awhile ago.

Please Suicide is never an option and feel free to message any time on here or on my TikTok @anon1718_

Please read at your own risk.

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The rain outside patters at my window, I sit in the top floor of my apartment block looking out at the city. Grey rolling clouds blocking the sun.

Car horns sound from below in the traffic as people scurry through the streets for shelter. Leaning my head against the cold glass pane I listen to the sounds outside.

My room is torn apart with clothes scattered along the floor, my bed sheets haven't been dressed in weeks and I slouching at my window still in my sweats.

I rarely leave my house anymore, just for the necessities and work but I haven't showed up there in a week.

My boss tried calling me this morning but instead I let the phone ring. Nothing comes easy anymore, the smallest jobs now seeming impossible to complete.

Sometimes I find myself zoning out completely for what seems like hours looking out my window at the world below. Everyone living their own stories, busy with work, love, family and life.

It's currently 10pm and I'm mentally debating whether or not to get out of bed and shower before I return to work tomorrow.

Before the world became completely numb I used to sit in the shower for hours, letting the water turn my skin raw in order to feel something but not even that works anymore.

Laying down under the warmth of my sheets I can feel the loose crumbs from earlier sticking to my skin. Sleep slowly falls upon me, calling me to relax and drift into darkness.

Time passes as I drift in and out of consciousness watching as the clock slowly ticks by. The idea of tomorrow playing in my head on repeat.

It's only work, you've done this before Alice. I tell myself hoping to change my attitude on tomorrow.

I can see the sky outside slowly changing colour as the sun rises, calling in the new day. Rays of orange seeping  into my room.

Throwing the sheets off of me, the temperature difference hits, not making getting out of bed any easier.

I pull out my black cardigan and leggings from the lump of clothes in the corner. I don't mind my work uniform, it's bland and allows for me to blend in. The sleeves reach just past my wrists covering everything.

I work in the coffee shop two blocks away, I always find comfort in the walk to work though. The world is quiet with the odd car driving by and the sun lights up the city perfectly.

Traffic from the city center can always be heard in the distance but it never disturbs the peace. Birds sing and few people hurry to open shops.

'Café Coco' The sign comes into view as it hangs above the door. 'Open' hangs on the glass front door, the bell rings as I enter causing Jane behind the desk to prop her head up.