I Can Only Ask the Rain

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Mark Masa

I was back in Bangkok before I can even say no to my father. I was looking out of my room's veranda to my beautiful green garden outside, resting my head on my hands and began to rub my temples, trying to massage away the headache. If only my head would stop pounding then I can think clearer.

I wasn't able to fight back to my dad after he dragged me away from P Vee, afraid that he would do something worst to hurt my important person. I was crying silently looking out of the car window thinking what my life would be without P Vee. My mom tried to talk this out to my dad but the stubborn man just ignored her, who liked me, refused to say another word. It was the most painful and tiring car ride going back to Bangkok.

I know it was useless arguing with my dad. The more you retaliate and talk back to him, the more he gets offensive and brutal. He never hurt me physically, but he'll make certain decisions that could wreck one's life and happiness. He has remarkable influence in the business industry that I was scared he'd do something to P Vee's family. That's why I chose to go along with what he wanted right now.

I know he was serious when he said he'd send me to England next semester to study. Before I enrolled to Khon Khaen University, he was so against it because he just wanted me to study in Bangkok so he could monitor me closely. So sending me to England was his desperate move to make me separate from my lover.

My dad have been aware of my sexuallity since I was in high school. He confronted me about it several times before but not to this extent. He leave my past relationships be as long as I know my limitations. Somehow he still hopes that I would change as I grow more mature. That it's just the hormones kicking in considering I am just a kid back then.

Seeing me kissing with another man out in public must have triggered his agitation. I understand he was shocked to see his only son being held with another man like that. Why would he caught us in that awkward situation? Me and P Vee was already planning to talk to him after mom's advice. Why was he even there of all places?

Rrrrrr...

I immediately answered my phone when I saw P Vee calling.

[Mark?] The deep and husky voice of my special person was heard from the other line. We were separated for only a few hours but I missed him already.

"P Vee." I can only answer with his name. I don't want to let him hear my shaking voice that wanted to cry so much from all the hurting.

[Mark. Where are you? Are you ok? Did your dad hurt you? Damn it! I don't know what I'll do to your father if he hurts you.] P Vee's was frantic. I know he was feeling more agitated than me.

"I'm alright P. My dad took me home to Bangkok. You don't have to worry about me." I wanted to calm him down. I don't want him to worry about me too much.

"Ugh. I'm worried about you. You weren't answering my calls and messages for hours. Mark, this is torture. I wanted to see you so bad. I will go there. Wait for me na? I will talk to your dad." He was talking faster that I almost missed some of the words he was saying.

"P Vee! I want you to calm down ok? Please wait for me there. I will surely come back to you. I will talk to my dad alone."

[How can you tell me to calm down? Your dad is sending you to England! Mark! Will you allow him to separate us like this?] I can feel the pain in his words. I grind my teeth to suppress my self from whimpering. The thought of being apart from P Vee was already tearing my soul apart.

"Ofcourse not P! But what can we do? We are only teenagers. We haven't prove anything yet. We are mere college students who depends on our parents to pay our tuition fees for us. We can't fight my dad like this P! He can harm you and your family!" I started chewing on my lower lip as my eyes welled up with tears. The feeling of hopelessness slowly made its way to my heart.

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