The Lone Traveler's Diary and other Short Stories

Sky Log #16: The Apologies That Were Never Said

(Continuation from Sky Log #7: A Little Moth Named Mo)

2 seasons have passed... Now it is the Season of Dreams.

A lot of things have changed.

The Sky family that I was once close to seem to have drifted off. Everyone is busy. Just as I am. There are moments when I did solo candle runs, I would wonder... was everything... just a dream? But the pictures of our moments together once more reminded me that it is real, just as real as the sadness in my heart.

Life is unavoidable.

So, are the calamities that come towards you.

There was never one minute of my life that I was not worried about Mo, the little moth. Correction. The Sky kid. He's not a moth anymore, just as he's not here in Sky at the moment. He left at one of the worst points in his life. But my worries cannot fix his problems. I simply do not have the means to help him.

There... is actually one moment in time that I actually liked him. For his humour and his easygoing nature. He was that one person that you wouldn't mind sitting around and listening to his stories for hours because it was fun and so different.

Yet, life has always tested relationships and the resilience of people.

When the world turned upside down, so did everyone's life. For me, it was small, but for Mo, it was big. It became one of the reasons that made him colder and hotter to everyone. Just as I mentioned before, he pushed everyone away, including Jil. However, for some people, he didn't show his angry and impatient side.

I was one of the latter few.

However, it became the very barrier that I cannot break. I simply did not have the courage to confront him about his actions, just like how Val did. I was too afraid of breaking this peaceful bubble or line that we had between us. I became the coward that everyone didn't know. Perhaps by choosing this, I became the bad friend to everyone. It's not a wonder at all if they leave me...

I remember Jil once said that he appreciated me very much. But, I could never believe it even when she showed me a part of their conversations. Still, it warmed my heart a lot.

That was the moment when I believed that Asmo would fare better being with her because she was a lot closer to him in more ways than me. She understood his troubles and his native language. She could stay with him for as long as she can and talk to him. However, his bad treatment towards her eventually pushed her away.

In the end, they broke up.

From start to the end, I watched all of these things go up in flames. The only thing I could do was watch like a spectator even though I was friends with these people. I heard stories from my friends of how Mo was acting cold towards them, rushing through the candle runs, snapping at them while none of us knew what was going on with him. Everyone knew that he was hurting and that he was hurting them too.

I felt helpless and afraid. If I had done something, maybe things would be different. Or things could go entirely wrong and I would ultimately be the one who burned the bridge. Yet, the bridge got severed without me doing anything. Maybe doing nothing was the wrong answer to these series of problems.

I wanted to run away and pretend everything was alright. I even thought it would have been better if I never reached out to make friends. If I hadn't reached out to Val... If I hadn't sent in an invite... If I hadn't agreed to meet so many people, so many friends...

Maybe being the Lone Traveler was better than suffering all of these feelings.

Block everyone. Restart my life in Sky. Unfollow everything. Start anew.

But, I couldn't run away.

Once you experienced something warm, something precious, something unforgettable, you dread the life you once had before. You imagined the absence of warmth, the absence of laughter and joy and the absence of light. Then, you knew that you can't go back to way you were before. You just didn't know how you had managed to survive before but you knew that you can't now.

I can't let my Sky family down.

I was a bad friend. I never mediated things when issues appeared. I was a coward. I didn't reach out to my friends when they were hurting. I was helpless.

But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.

And for what had happened, I am truly sorry.

...

2 seasons were not too long. Neither was it short.

It just gave me a lot of time to think. The Sky family group chat is still as amiable as before, although a little dead at times. Whenever I'm free (and lucky too), I get to tag along Val and David's farms. They don't farm at the usual reset times since Val got her work. So, it is now just a moment of whether I can coincidentally join them for farming.

I have seen Mo's star going on and off whenever I light up the stars in the constellations. That was the only comfort I get that he is still alive somewhere. But I don't see him in person. I don't know how he is doing now. The fact that the real world is turned upside down, including his life too worried me.

That was that.

Until recently... When the Season of Dreams started.

Mo suddenly spoke to me about the free pants available in the season. He was really excited about it and I can see why. This season's cosmetics are really cool. I have been trying to find a way to take a break from Sky but the seasons kept holding me back. He needed help with the spirits but he couldn't find Val so I agreed to help him after I was done with my own things.

I was beyond the moon to know that he is doing okay.

While his circumstances aren't the best, the fact that he is alive is more important to me. I don't know if he will be permanently active in Sky but if he comes back from time to time, that is good too.

I remember Jil telling me that Sky is a place of refuge for him. That he doesn't have to think much about his problems when he is in Sky.

However,...

I don't want this place of refuge to be a place of escape. I don't want him to give up things in his life to get things in Sky. But I don't know how to say it in front of his face. I don't know if it is my place to tell him that.

The only place I can truly say is in here, in this diary.

~~~~~Author's Notes ~~~~~ 19 May 2021

I always felt that this was my fault. Had I been brave enough to mediate things between my friends, Asmo might have stayed within the family instead of being kept out of it. Not all of my Sky family members hated him, but because of what had happened, he was no longer in the discord group and the topic of him became taboo.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But even my apologies are useless because things can't go back to the way it was. I hope time heals your wounds. And I hope that there would be better days ahead. Even if this is a completely hopeless wish, I hope everyone can still be at peace with each other.