Let Me Carry You (Carry You Home)

6: A Meeting and a Reunion

Each person's grief is as unique as their fingerprint, but what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed.

Hearing what had happened this afternoon with Sarah was heartbreaking for Maya and Carina. Amelia had encouraged them to be cautious but not to give up, yet ever since they'd arrived to hear the end of Sarah's cries as she fell into an anaesthesia-induced sleep, the hours passed with little to no words between the two girlfriends. They felt horrendous for Sarah; she was still going through a hurricane of emotions as she grieved the loss of her parents and younger sister. In the matter of mere seconds, Sarah's life had flipped upside down. Sarah was an orphan, and as far as she knew, alone in the world. Nothing as she knew it would be the same, ever again.

How were they supposed to deal with that?

Maya and Carina weren't miracle workers. They couldn't fix the problems plaguing Sarah's life. They couldn't undo the horrors that Sarah had seen, or bring anyone back to life. Maya silently wondered how all these changes would impact Sarah, and if she would react well to what social services had yet to decide; her coming to live with her and Carina.

The fact of the matter was, Maya didn't know if Sarah even liked her. Essentially, Maya was just a stranger, just a random individual that happened to be there on the worst night of Sarah's life. Maya didn't know if Sarah felt the invisible connection to Maya like Maya had felt to her. Or, maybe Sarah would resent Maya for failing to help her. For failing to leave her alone, for acting as a reminder of what happened to her family.

"What if she hates me?"

The whispered, strangled confession pulled Carina from the silent stupor that she'd been held in for almost an hour.

"Cosa?" Carina asked in confusion. She must have heard Maya wrong.

"What if Sarah doesn't want me around? What if she hates me for failing to save her family? For failing to stop her from running away, for not being fast enough to-" Maya rambled, her words picking up speed until they were panicked wheezes, and Carina launched herself into action.

"Tesoro, slow down for me, per favore. Maya, where are these thoughts coming from?" She asked gently, her hands cupping Maya's cheeks, her thumbs softly wiping away the tears that carved their way down Maya's pale face.

"I don't know, I just- I don't know if Sarah even l-likes me, what i-if-"

"Hey. Eyes on me. Your eyes only need to be on me," Carina cooed, her heart aching at seeing Maya's panic, but her main focus now being to calm down her girlfriend, to reign in the rapidly growing anxiety before it manifested too far for Carina to help. So, she kept her hands on Maya's cheeks, breathed in and out gently, and applied her usual tactics to soothe Maya's nerves.

"You are right in that we don't know what Sarah will think, bella. We can't read her mind, but what we can do is be here, and offer our love to her. From what I've heard from Andy, Victoria, from your entire team, is that you were the only one able to calm her. That has to mean something, amore mio . All we can do is to wait for the bambina to wake up, and be there for her as best as we can, va bene?"

Sniffling, Maya let the words sink in. Carina was right. Her girlfriend was always right. She seemed to know exactly what to say.

"Va bene," Maya repeated quietly, and Carina nodded, a gentle smile on her face.

———

It was around nine in the evening that same night when Carina and Maya settled in on the couch in the hospital room. Sarah was still sedated, under the same drugs that Doctors Grey, Pierce and Shepherd had administered initially, and the room was filled with the sounds of machines, and her heavy breathing. The two girlfriends quietly talked as they sat with Sarah, most of which were some of the things that they would need to do if they would get to take Sarah home. All they wanted to do was to provide Sarah some sort of stability; to show her love, help her heal, and hope that she would be open to them.