The Girl with the Paper Crane

Chapter 8: The overwhelming art of BS

The pattern continued for a few days: wake up, eat, test, eat, run, eat, test, and sleep. I kept it interesting by running down new trails and jumping into the creek every once in a while. That's what Will thought at least. I mapped out any way I thought could be useful, and noted when Will said we weren't on the property anymore. I guess there was no one around for miles, no need for a fence. Still, I don't believe there isn't something keeping me from getting out, or someone from getting in. I started being able to keep up with Presley for longer stints the more we ran, which meant it shouldn't be hard to get to the borders. The hard part was getting to civilization and staying out of the Council's way until they forget. Until I am nothing but a memory. I start to get nervous watching Will and Dr. Hess talk. Will looks anxious, something I've never seen from him, not even when I almost went over the cliff. Two hands latched onto my hips and I yelped, amusing Leo to no end.

"What's got you so worried?" He was so nonchalant it eased my nerves a bit, but would they even know what is going on?

"They've been talking for a while."

"Are you afraid they won't feed you?" He was genuinely confused, as he spun me to face him. "If so, I can assure you someone will feed you." I laughed at his innocence, he's so much older, and yet he doesn't see what's going on. It doesn't affect him though, I get it. Why load your brain down with things that don't have anything to do with you. You're happier, less stressed, more self-focused. All supposedly good things. I've never really had that. I've always looked out for problems, even ones that weren't mine because I was helping people. My brother loves to call me out on it. He's even kept me from someone else's problems a few times. Sure, there might have been a bit of physical restraint, but he always made me feel better. I just wish he knew that.

"Elin, are you ok?" I blinked back tears, noticing Leo's fretful look.

"Sleepy," I yawned, giving my tears an excuse to exist. "It's been a pretty long day." Leo nodded in his thoughtful way, believing me. It's so difficult to lie all the time, and never be able to tell someone. I hate being sad and not being able to tell anyone. The unending feeling of loneliness of not being able to tell anyone what spins through my head. I feel demented somtimes. Sometimes, I can't even look at people without being sad. It turns into... it turns into... fear. Fear to speak, fear of people, fear of everything for no reason. No reason for the fear that takes over some days, and no one to ask why it's going on. No one can hug me and tell me it's going to be alright because no one can know. I listen to others' problems in hopes of finding something similar, but it never comes. No one gets the random pangs of sadness, or they're just better at dealing with them. No one feels alone, because no one has to hide who they are to keep themselves safe. NO one has to hide because they aren't right in the head. No one has to lie about their every thought because they'll be taken away if they don't. If they do exist though, I'd still pity them more than myself.

"I'm not done," Will said rather loudly, leaving the barn. I followed him into the chill spring night. It was still bright out, painting everything in a blue light as the sunset behind the trees. I finished my dinner and started to make my way up the steps. Will caught my wrist though.

"The schedule's not the same tomorrow, do you want to watch a movie?"

"Can I pick?"

"Nope, I've got something in mind."

The pictures were beautiful, but the narrator couldn't have been more boring. How can you take one of the most beautiful, pristine, gorgeous jungles in the world and turn it into a dry soul-sucking video that will, most likely, kill me. I curled up on the couch with a blanket and drifted off to darkness, and dreamed of plans for escape.