Fragile Little Things ✓

17 leaving

Indigo

MAE AND I ARE having a Twilight marathon. We’re both on the L-shaped couch in the apartment, and while I’m the type to spread up on my side and take up as much space as possible, Mae’s the type to draw her knees in and recede into a tiny, singular blob.

I’m zoned out, thinking about the assignment that’s due on Monday and the dissertation that I still haven’t gotten started on and the summaries that I need to finish. And a myriad of other things, so that eventually, everything on the screen becomes an unmemorable blur.

Actually, that’s technically a lie. I’m using the assignment, and the dissertation and the summaries I have to do to distract me from the ring on my finger.

I forgot to give Jem’s ring back.

And while my view of the TV blurs, it focuses instead on the silver ring on my forefinger. The ring is way too loose for my finger, and it’s a wonder I haven’t lost it yet. It’s nothing fancy, just a single band of polished silver. Pulling the metal up and down my finger absently, I fixate on it until the silver of the ring becomes the silver in his eyes.

I’m afraid I’m slowly going insane.

Luckily, I’m only pulled out of my mind when Scarlett’s bedroom door clicks open, and her gaze drops to us. Her hair is claw-clipped back, and she’s in her usual get-up of sweatpants and hoop earrings. Scarlett shuffles to the kitchen and comes back with one of my ice-cream cups. She takes the empty next to Mae on the couch while she eats, her eyes on the screen. Mae and I swap glances, but we let it slide.

Scarlett only eats ice cream when she’s PMSing (I know because she’s more bitchy than usual when she’s PMSing). Which is great, because Mae and I are also PMSing, so somehow, all three of our cycles are in sync.

My phone vibrates, and I have to contort my body and dig around under me to find it. When I do, my mood turns from bad to worse in seconds. It’s from Kade.

Can I come over?

There’s a sour taste in my mouth that wasn’t there before. I’m not sure where we stand right now. I know that I’m not entirely with him, and that it was never really smooth sailing for us. I just pretended everything was fine because I didn’t want to lose him. Because I didn’t—still don’t—want to be alone. Why can’t I just be happy by myself? Why do I feel like I need him?

Busy, I type back. It’s not exactly a nice reply, but I don’t care, not really. He can’t possibly think that everything can go back to normal. He’ll probably sweet talk me to my bed. Or his. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t like sex that much. I just want someone who won’t complain every time I ask if we can get ice cream together.

Sighing, I focus on the screen, to take my mind off the distorted path it’s taking. It’s the scene where Jacob kisses Bella for no apparent reason. Scarlett scoffs out loud, and murmurs, “I can’t believe I ever liked this asshole.”

“Right?” Mae pipes. “Team Edward for life.”

Scarlett blinks, pausing eating her ice cream for a second. She looks like she’s surprised Mae responded to her. Or that Mae even heard her at all. But then she deadpans before spooning ice cream into her mouth. She looks ahead at the screen without responding, and I figure I must be imagining things.

Mae doesn’t think much over the way she was brushed off and shifts her glance back to the screen as well. Half an hour later, I’ve managed to successfully distract myself from any mismanaged thoughts, when there’s a double knock at the door.

“I’m not answering that,” Scarlett mutters.

I roll my eyes, because firstly, I didn’t ask her to open it, and secondly, this must mean that Kade showed up despite me explicitly telling him that I’m busy. Of course he would. When has he ever really listened to me?