Honey and Spice | ✔️

Chapter 32

#1 most important birthday gift idea by xinfinite_thoughtsx ily ❤️✨ might make one for myself too XD

And onesie idea by girlsandgaysOnLy I MIGHT DRAW HIM IN ONE THO 😳😳

Ryder

I sit on the damp grass, replacing wilted flowers with fresh ones. The late afternoon air is chilly as cicadas hum softly in the background. Aunt Cam used to bring me here each year, but now I mostly go alone. It still looks the same as before, with the same patch of flattened grass from the previous years where I sat.

Ida Elizabeth Davis Dela Cruz

1978-2002

Friend, wife, and to-be mother

“Death doesn’t scare me. Cockroaches scare me more than death does.”

I chuckle lightly; it never fails to make me laugh, no matter how many times I visit. My mom sounds like a total bad-ass. Maybe that’s where I got my badassery.

Aunt Cam used to show me pictures of my mom before . . . well, me. They were college friends. Most of the pictures showed my mom and Aunt Cam as inseparable. The woman with the choppy brown pixie cut and bright smile is always recognisable as Aunt Cam, and the other woman beside her is never a stranger. Sleek black hair with purple highlights. Sparkling turquoise eyes. A smile so wide I’m sure it hurt. . . .

Aunt Cam once told me that my mom wanted to dye her hair green as a joke. Like toxic-waste green. And I laughed because I could imagine her with painfully neon green hair. It seemed very her. Or how Aunt Cam likes to put it, “Ida-fucking-esque.”

I mindlessly play with the grass, running my hand through them like I always do. I have so many things to say, but I don’t know if I’m able to get them all out.

“Mama, it’s me, Ryder. Your son.” This is how I always start. “I turned 18 today, and uh . . . you’re 42 now. Everything’s still the same. Same old pain, I guess.

“Well, not only that. Remember when I told you that I’ll probably stay single forever? Well, uh” - I scratch the back of my neck - “I actually have a boyfriend now. His name is Nathan Adler. Really sweet and cute and smart and brave and- ”

A cool breeze touches my cheek, distracting me for a second. Then I shake my head, smile, and continue: “I really love him. Everything about him is perfect: the way he smiles, laughs, the way he tilts his head when he’s confused, and uh, his eyes change colours too, like a mood ring.

"And uh . . . fuck . . .” Tears start to blur my vision. “I just love him so much.” I always get choked up about this subject. There are too many feelings and I can’t handle all of them.

“Did I really just come here to talk about a boy?” I laugh as I wipe my eyes. “Anyway, I just- I wanna say sorry for existing in general. If I wasn’t born, you would still be alive, and Pa wouldn’t be the way he is now and- ” I shouldn’t be crying. “ - I’m sorry, Ma, I just  . . .'' I sob a little, pinching myself to stop. And I do, after a while.

“But I’m happy now. I’m enjoying life - surprising, right?” I chuckle drily, wiping my eyes. “I’ve thought a lot about it because Nathan brought it up and . . . I’m going to therapy. You must be thinking, Why didn’t you go sooner? I haven’t told Tita Cam, but I’ll try to talk to her today.” I take a deep breath. “We’ll see how it goes.”