Honey and Spice | ✔️

Epilogue: The End Of the Beginning

Hello yall! I've included a cutesy song to accompany this final chapter (aka the Epilogue™)!! It's completely fine if yall don't listen; sometimes the greatest things happen in our life and we're not aware of them. Endings will always be there even if we don't pay attention to them, until it happens to us, or the ones we love most.

This has been Health Tips™. Happy reading :))

Ryder

"You know, drinking too much coffee is bad for you," I say as Nathan sips on his fifth iced coffee today.

We're sitting in a small café - Nathan, Mae and I - discussing post-graduation stuff. (Our finals were three weeks ago, and we're graduating in a week.) It feels nice to finally be out of school, but I don't know what to do afterwards. Maybe I'll pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a chef. If not, then I'll probably travel around the world like Simon Reeve. . . . I don't actually know.

Nathan gives me a cheeky grin. "Yolo, Ryder."

In front of us, Mae whoops in delight. "That's my boy!" she exclaims, giving Nathan a high-five across the table.

"You're such a bad influence, Mae." I roll my eyes, taking another bite of my cheesecake. "Terrible, really."

"You're so cold. Good thing Golden Boy is here to thaw that icy heart of yours," she says, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Shut up," I mumble, finding Nathan's warm hand under the table and squeezing it.

My supposedly icy heart was thawed a long, long time ago that day when we were doing our biology project. Since then, I'd do anything for him - even now.

"Anyway," I tell them, "what colleges are you guys looking into?"

Mae shrugs. "Anything without dorms. I hate sharing rooms with people. They'll probably touch my things, or judge me."

"Me too," I say, drinking Nathan's iced coffee (I also eat a few ice cubes; contrary to popular belief, ice cubes are fucking delicious). "And also, I might be going to the university my aunt's teaching at - Millerview University. Maybe I can study there for free."

"Really?" Nathan says.

"Yeah, I might get a tuition waiver or something." I turn to him. "What about you?"

He plays with the hem of his multi-coloured sweater. "I don't know. I'll probably take a gap year or go to some art school. I haven't really decided yet.

"Or maybe . . . I'll go with you to Millerview!" He looks up, giving me a cute lopsided grin. "Wouldn't that be fun?"

"College isn't fun," I say, "but we're pretty fun."

Mae mutters loud enough for us to hear, "You can't spell 'fun' without 'me'."

Both of us stare at her blankly. "What?" She huffs, defensive. "I thought it was funny."

I point my fork at her, smirking. "It's funny in a dumb way."

"I hate you, bro." She laughs.

As promised, I went to therapy two weeks ago. It's okay, I guess. Dr Taylor - though she keeps reminding me to call her Joanne - is pretty chill. I've recently been diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder or CPTSD for short. In all honesty, I have to say that I didn't know how serious this was until both Nathan and Joanne pointed it out. And I don't know how to feel about it. I mean, yeah, I have CPTSD. That's it - it makes sense now. (I did look it up on Google prior to my diagnosis, but I didn't want to self-diagnose.) Joanne says it will be a little hard at first but then again, everything's a little hard at first.

The meds Joanne gave me make me feel sleepy all the time and sometimes gives me random anxiety attacks, but I think that's just how it is. I don't know. Joanne says she might have to up my dosage in two weeks. And I got this little black notebook with a cliché edgy design on it where I write down the time and date I take Zoloft, and I have no idea why I love this notebook so much; I think it's the design because I hate recording mundane things.

"Do I really have to write them down?" I asked Joanne last session.

"You bet," she said. "You know, we're supposed to be professional and all, but that's boring. So have a hip notebook for my sub-professionalism!"

As I've said, Joanne's pretty chill. (And she's the best doctor in town, according to Aunt Cam.) But she gets real serious and professional when it comes to my treatment.

I also told Nick, Sin and Mae about me having to go to therapy and they were pretty cool about it - I'm glad they didn't make a big deal out of it. And I don't know why I still have Derek's number for whatever reason, but I texted him about it too. The whole conversation was kind of awkward so I threw in some half-assed lols and so did he, but it's fine in the end. Still weird to think about it now but at least that's over.

Nathan came with me to my second session - Joanne allowed him - and I felt better than I had in the first session. I'm glad for my emotional support boyfriend, but I decided that I should go alone for the subsequent sessions - I felt so bad and guilty about it that I apologised like mad to Nathan, and he kept awkwardly patting my arm. But it's all okay. We're okay.

I'm okay.

Nathan and Mae both laugh about something; I hold back a yawn, shaking my head. God, I'm tired as fuck, I could pass out right here and now. "I only watch it for the drama," Mae says.

"But isn't reality TV scripted?" Nathan counters, finishing his iced coffee. "The people are probably just doing it for the cameras."

"True that. But scripted or not, I want drama!"

I pipe up, "Then you should check out Dance Moms. I don't know why I even watch that, but damn."

"I love that show!" Nathan grins. "Though the fights are scripted, I love the dances!"

Mae laughs and suddenly changes the topic to whether cats are better than dogs, and since I can't act normally around animals and have no preference for either, I tune out of the conversation and let them argue. I lean back in my seat, staring at the cars and people passing by outside the window. A dog pisses under a tree, the owner adjusting her shirt; Nathan suppresses a laugh, trying to look angry; Mae punctuates her sentences with soft bangs on the table; my plate rattles.

I can't believe how far I've come - I have a sweet boyfriend and I'm finally getting help. I also can't believe how far we've come. What started as a lame biology project about dead frogs turned into this big thing, this huge turning point in our lives.

Nathan squeezes my hand and beams widely at me, his eyes glowing honey-orange, then the prettiest shade of lilac. This never fails to set my heart beating like crazy and butterflies in my stomach fluttering wildly. I stifle another yawn and rest my head on his shoulder. I think about sleeping but the moment I close my eyes, all traces of tiredness disappear.

"Goddamn it," I mumble, pulling away and rubbing my eyes.

He gives my hand another squeeze. "Alright?"

I nod. "Yeah. Just my meds."

Nathan smiles softly at me, his face full of understanding and patience. What did I ever do to deserve him? I return his smile, my thumb tracing circles on the back of his hand.

Voices drift in and out of my ears. I give the last of my cheesecake to Nathan and he takes it. Mae sucks on her caramel frappe, trying to get every inch of whipped cream left. It's so relaxing to be here with both of them. I glance at the ethereal beauty of Nathan Adler beside me and smile. I feel so at home right now.

My story may have ended, but ours has just begun.